


We're Already Beautiful, I Like It Because It's Us (No Words Are Necessary)

by chaethartic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff and Crack, I swear, I'm trying my best, Jean Is A Little Shit, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is Bad At Feelings, Prostitution, ages are different in this fic, and oc is gay for mikasa, and their superiors are 10 years younger, but this is a levi fic, fics with ocs can be reader-insert if you try hard enough, humor if i'm funny enough, i'll add more tags as i go with this story, it's an underground thing, jean x oc is mostly platonic, mainly because i don't want levi to be a pedophilic creep, not a jean kirschtein fic, oc is bad at feelings too, oc is badass but a huge softy, please go easy on me, so i imagine the 104th cadets to be 4 years older, so levi ISN'T 34 years old, they're just really good friends, with lots of flirting, wow this is my first book
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-01-16 17:50:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaethartic/pseuds/chaethartic
Summary: Year 845.That day, the human race remembered the terror of being dominated by them and the shame of being held captive in a birdcage.That day, she vowed to conquer all those oppressors that tower over humanity—titans, walls, and fathers alike.That day, she promised to do everything she can to get out of her walls (and ceilings) so she could do the same for others trapped in their own walls (and ceilings), be it two-storey houses or 50-meter birdcages.





	1. Quintessence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And like Aether said, she went on her way and left The Underground without ever looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: prostitution is mentioned in this chapter and a part of it non-graphically narrates oc's first prostitution job sooo yeah

Year 845.

That day, the human race remembered the terror of being dominated by _ them _ and the shame of being held captive in a birdcage.

That day, she vowed to conquer all those oppressors that tower over humanity—titans, walls, and _ fathers _ alike.

It's cruel, she knows, how such a horrifying event that killed thousands of people gave her a sense of hope. She thought it cruel to find promise in an attack against her kind that left nothing but screams and tears and pain and loss and abandonment.

But it wasn't like that hope was all for herself.

No, she hoped for a better life for all. That day, she promised to do everything she can to get out of her walls (and ceilings) so she could do the same for others trapped in their own walls (and ceilings), be it two-storey houses or 50-meter _ birdcages _.

But let's allow her to focus on herself first.

(It's not like she can be of any help to humanity if she died before she could get out of her personal birdcage.

She got off on a slow start. Planning a breakout isn't easy when you're only seeing rocks in exchange for a sky. Perhaps the lack of natural light has an effect on brain performance.

Still, she managed to form a pretty solid scheme in her head: let her piece of shit father hoard more money, gradually steal from that money to buy a few necessities that would ensure her safety on the surface, knit dresses, purchase forged documents, train to run faster, learn basic self-defense and how to use a knife, steal some more money, leave The Underground, act like a daughter of a lowly servant of a noble Mitras family once on the surface, get through the gate, enlist for the Training Corps, and lastly, hope for the best.

Her favorite part of her plan was the stealing.

She _ has _ been doing that way before she ever thought of getting out. She had to if she didn't want to sleep with a growling stomach every night.

So stealing from her drunkard father wouldn't be any problem at all.

At night after working at the brothel that doubles as a pub her father runs, she's either running around trying to get away from thugs sent after her by one of the merchants she stole from or sitting out at the back of their building knitting dresses for her to wear once she gets on the surface. She knew she'd be sent back down if they found out where she's from and forged documents could only do so much without a proper disguise.

But considering the worst case scenario of actually getting sent back to The Underground by the Military Police, she got Aether to teach her how to fight. 

They first met when she was getting beat up by a group of young men she had originally thought wise to ask for help. They taunted her, saying they wanted to see if she had what it takes to be taught by them, but she didn't realize they only wanted to see her powerless by the mercy of their hands for they found a sick thrill in seeing people in pain.

She knew she was fast so she had tried to outrun them. But they had already cornered her by the time her situation actually became clear to her. In her moment of confusion and vulnerability, she was suddenly on the ground clutching her stomach in pain from a kick carelessly but brutally delivered to her. She grunted but tried to get back up regardless.

If the universe was on her side that night, she would have been able to fight back and actually _ win _.

But of course, that wasn't the case. The universe, she realized, only did step in to help her when she needed it the most.

So her help came in the form of a tall man with a lean physique, cigar resting between his lips, hands in the pockets of his worn out coat. A sigh was released when he saw the chaos in front of him. Still, he helped her get the three young thugs to back off.

He thought she had passed out, she was unmoving with her eyes closed, after all. But after a few deep breaths, she had croaked out a small _ thank you _ in a low, hoarse voice before sighing and letting her shoulders relax slightly.

“Why didn't you fight back?” The man had asked.

“I don't know how to,” she had answered.

“You got a name?” The man had asked again.

Her answer came in a narrowed look.

“I ain't gonna rat you out to whoever you belong to, kid,” he scoffed. “Wipe that look off your face.” And after a beat, he added, “I'm Aether, meet me here same time tomorrow.”

Since then, every night a quarter hour before midnight, he taught her what he knew about combat. He taught her hand-to-hand, taught her how to use her small frame and speed, how to use a knife, sometimes a gun, too. He even gave her some food to snack on when she looked like she really needed it.

The father she deserved.

“Kiji,” she whispered one night while they took a break from sparring, munching on an apple he gave her. “My name's Kiji.”

“So you _ do _ have a name,” Aether said after a few seconds of silence. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, eyes dancing with amusement at the blank look she gave her. “Well, you already know my name. I'm Aether. I have citizenship on the surface but I run a… sort of orphanage in this place.”

Kiji's eyes widened at that revelation.

“You have citizenship up there? But why do you keep coming back? And what do you mean by _ sort of _?” Her questions were in one breath. Aether could only chuckle at her bewilderment.

“_Sort of _as in, we take stray kids in, give them a roof above their heads and three meals a day.”

“Aether, that is what an orphanage mea—”

“However, _ smartass _ _,_ those kids don’t get adopted,” Aether continued, a wistful smile painted on his face. “And we make sure they know that.”

“Oh, that’s…” Kiji didn’t know what to say. “But when you say _ we _, who else are you talking about?”

“A couple of people like me, with citizenship above The Underground, who can earn enough money to help with the orphanage.” Aether hit his cigar and released a cloud of smoke. “If there’s anything I want you to learn from me besides fighting, kid, it’s that you should always help in any way you can.”

With that, Kiji nodded, the fire in her eyes alive again.

It was quiet for a while until Aether spoke again, “Well what about you?” He asked. “Why are you trying to learn how to fight?”

A beat passed.

And then another.

It was silent until Kiji sighed, looking up at the rocky ceiling of The Underground.

“I wanna see the sun,” she said. “And the walls and the titans.” She looked at him, eyes burning with fear and want and helplessness and determination.

A flurry of emotions he was familiar with but had not seen in a while.

“Training Corps?” Aether asked. Kiji merely nodded, not taking her eyes off the rocky sky.

“Well, how do you expect to get accepted when you don’t have citizenship on the surface?” Aether questioned rather mockingly.

“I’m working on it,” Kiji said, fixing the man beside her with a glare (which he only laughed at). “I’m planning to purchase forged documents of citizenship and authorization to enter Wall Rose.”

“And so far?”

“Nothing.” Her glare was unwavering.

“Wipe that look off your face, kid,” Aether said, a trace of laughter in his voice. “Besides, I don’t deserve your glaring when I’m planning to help you out with that fiasco.”

Kiji’s eyebrows furrowed, “How?”

“I’ll register you as my adoptive daughter and give you authorization to join the Corps.”

A beat passed.

And then another.

Well, that’s one problem solved. But…

“Why?”

“Well, I ain't named Aether if I didn't help you burn shit up outside the walls.”

After almost two years of knitting every night, she finally finished the last of her dresses. As per usual, Kiji then proceeded to head out to the alley she and Aether always trained in.

Instead of a smoking Aether leaning against the wall, though, what met her was a coughing Aether sitting on the dusty ground, a hand clutched to his side, leaning on the wall for support.

Surprise engulfed Kiji when she saw the sight before her but it didn't last long before she was racing to sit beside the bleeding man.

“Shit, Aether, what happened to you?” She asked, panic steadily rising to fog her head.

“What does it look like, kid?” He chuckled dryly before coughing uncontrollably. A sigh slipped past his lips before his eyes closed.

Kiji could only stare in horror at the sight before her. She wanted to think that _ no, it's not what it looks like. No, he isn't — _

Aether coughed again, involuntarily opening his eyes and laughing once he saw the unimpressed look Kiji gave him.

“I ain't dead yet, kid, wipe that look off your face.”

“What do I do?” Kiji asked, wanting to help the man who had helped her in more ways than one.

“Nah, I imagine I ain't gonna last long anyway,” Aether said with a small laugh.

“Don't be an idiot, Aether.” Kiji sighed in frustration. She grabbed hold of Aether's arms and tried to pick him up off the ground. “Come on, I'll help you get to your hou—”

“No,” Aether suddenly cut off, gripping Kiji's shoulder with his free hand tightly. He coughed again before continuing, “You need to leave before they trace you to me.”

“What?”

“Kiji, please,” Aether said exasperatedly.

It was the first time Aether has used her name instead of the usual _ kid _.

“Aether—”

“No, listen to me.” He held a serious look in his eyes, one even Kiji couldn't shrug off for Aether wasn't one to usually take things seriously. “You need to go. If they find you with me, they _ will _ kill you. They're still just Underground thugs but these people don't know mercy. I've taught you enough, you can leave this place any time soon. So if you want to pay me back for everything, then do so by _leaving _ and _ never looking back _.”

As if on cue, taunting voices called out from a few feet outside their alleyway.

“Come out, old man,” a gruff voice said.

“Come out and finish what you started,” another voice came.

Aether's hand tightened on Kiji's shoulder.

For the first time in 11 years, Kiji wanted to cry.

“Go.”

Aether's word was a whisper but his eyes held enough hardness in them to get his point across.

Breathing in, Kiji hugged the man who became family to her in the two years she'd known him, letting out a small _ thank you _ in a low, hoarse voice before sighing and running in the other direction from the voices.

Exactly two days and 3 minutes after Kiji left Aether in that alley, she found herself in another dimly-lit place. Except this time, it was a room with red walls, a bed, a couch, a wooden cabinet against one wall, and a kneeling Kiji with a switchblade snugly fit in the strap around her thigh, hidden by the boots she was instructed to wear.

She had been in this room before. Only, this is the first time she's here not as a prostitute in training. No, her father had finally officially sold her to one of his customers who was now standing a feet away from Kiji's form.

She knew what the man wanted her to do. She stared right back at his eyes blankly. She knew she was supposed to look inviting but Kiji just _ couldn't _ bring herself to do that (something about being _ bought _ made it hard to contort her face into one of provocation), even during training when one of the other prostitutes taught her how to please customers. She received a good beating from her father when he found out about her disobedience.

Before the man could finish unzipping his pants, Kiji had already tackled him, straddling his hips, each knee pressing on one of the man's arms, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

The man was surprised, this wasn't what he meant for them to do at first, but thinking with his dick, he interpreted their situation differently. A smirk formed on his lips and just as he was beginning to speak, Kiji's switchblade was pressed lightly against his neck. He gasped audibly, his breathing getting ragged and heart pounding.

This wasn't what he was expecting.

“Now,” Kiji began, her voice low and breathy. Lips pressing lightly on the shell of the man's left ear, she continued, “You're going to do as I say and keep quiet unless you want my blade to meet with your vocal cords.”

She could feel the man gulp against the blade she held against his throat.

“Y-you're insane,” the man whispered.

Kiji raised her upper body slowly to look at the man's face. She tilted her head to the left before speaking, “Tsk, didn't I tell you to keep quiet?”

“Get off me,” the man growled, trying to get his arms away from her knees. Kiji only pressed harder.

“Do you know what happens to disobedient boys?” Kiji asked, lips slightly curled up. She began to lean closer to the man's face, eyes flickering to his lips every once in a while.

When her lips were mere centimeters away from his, she grinned, causing the man's eyes to grow wide, before knocking him out with the handle of her switchblade.

After making sure the man was unconscious, she sat up and put her blade back to its strap. Moving to kneel beside the man, she stuck her hand in the pocket she knew he kept his wallet in and snooped around. She still had some leftover money from the last time she stole from her father but stealing a few more from her… first ever customer wouldn't hurt.

Besides, it's not like she planned to stay long enough to have a second one. Best to make her first _ and last _ job in the brothel special.

After dragging the man's body to the foot of the bed, Kiji took a deep breath and heaved him up and onto the bed. She stripped his lower body bare and tossed his clothes on the floor.

She didn't plan on doing anything to him but she needed to make sure it seemed like _something _happened in the room for when the man woke up and was asked about her performance.

It was a gamble. She didn't really know if the man would forget about her stunt but it was a precaution in case she was stalled long enough.

After smudging her makeup and loosening her hair a bit, she set to the door and made her way to the pub, making sure to lock the door after her.

Yvette's wide eyes and grin greeted her when she reached the counter.

“Done already?” The older female asked, a playful lilt to her voice, loud enough that the remaining 4 other customers in the pub probably heard.

“Was it supposed to last longer?” Kiji asked uninterestedly as she let Yvette come closer and fix her hair and lipstick.

When she was done fixing Kiji’s appearance, Yvette spoke again, “Men: all talk, no walk.”

Kiji smiled slightly at that before asking what she could do to help.

“I’m just finishing up with those three’s orders,” Yvette answered as she got back to work. “Go wait for that man over there.” She gestured towards a table where a man sat, his back slouched slightly as he leaned his head on a closed fist propped upon his elbow resting on the table in front of him.

Kiji nodded and as she went around the counter to get to the man, Yvette called behind her, “And ask him if he wants to rent you for a Special. He looks like he could need it and maybe he’d last longer than 5 minutes.”

Kiji could only sigh and roll her eyes.

“What would you like to order, sir?” She asked once she reached the man’s table. For a few seconds, he didn’t move and looked like he didn’t hear Kiji at all.

Sighing, _ again _, Kiji cleared her throat and asked the same question. This time, the man looked up, his jet-black hair moving with his head as his dull gray eyes landing on Kiji’s dark ones, face void of emotion. Something about him was vaguely familiar but she shrugged the feeling off.

“Are you going to take all night, sir?” Kiji asked when the man still wouldn’t answer, her irritation seeping into her voice no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

The man narrowed his sharp eyes at the waitress, disliking the tone of voice she used on him. Regardless, he merely looked away after grumbling his order under his breath. Luckily, Kiji was able to hear it and nodded before returning to the counter to fix the rude man’s drink.

When Yvette returned from the other three customers’ table, she chuckled at Kiji’s slightly frowning face and teased, “I told you to offer him a Special.”

In a few hours, the sun would rise.

Kiji looked out her bedroom window for the last time before taking a deep breath and turning to her luggage. By now she was triple-checking if she had everything ready. Her clothes were packed, the documents Aether gave her a few weeks ago were prepared, and the money she stole from her father for passage through the stairway and food once she’s above the surface was in the security of a wallet she knitted with some leftover cloth.

With another deep breath, she shouldered her bag and made her way to the living room part of their apartment situated right above the _ rooms _ where the whoring happens in the same building.

There, passed out on the couch was her father, shit-faced drunk and snoring like a boar.

God, she really wouldn’t miss this place.

After one more disgusted look thrown her father’s way, she bounded to the door, reached the first floor of their building, walked through the backdoor of the pub, and started walking away from it all.

Eventually, she reached the stairway where she lost three-quarters of her money to the paid thugs who were instructed to fine anyone who wanted to go through.

And like Aether said, she went on her way and left The Underground without ever looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for giving this a chance.


	2. Blank Slate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, she didn’t know the first thing to socializing. The only people she interacted with since she was born have been either forced to put up with her or people she’s trying to get away from. The one person she befriended died barely three days ago. She was inept in that department.
> 
> But she would be damned if she didn’t try to fix that.

_ “Kiji.” _

_ The girl in question looked up, eyes distant, (if not mildly bored with an _ I couldn’t care less _ attitude) all the while maintaining her kneeling position at the foot of an old and worn out four-poster bed, hands tied behind her back. _

_ “Lillian said you weren’t complying again,” Yvette said with a sigh that doubles as a small chuckle. She’s used to the younger’s antics by now and knows only her father can actually make the girl yield. Still, she had to try for her sake and for the sake of everyone tasked to shape the raven-haired girl into submission. _

_ “I don’t get why I have to do this,” Kiji said quietly, voice low and hoarse as usual. “I don’t get why any of us have to.” _

_ “We wanna stay alive, don’t we?” _

_ “Alive.” The younger one scoffed, speaking the word merely above a whisper but with so much disgust. “Whoever gave you the idea that I even wanted to be born in this place?” _

_ Yvette laughed at the theatrical statement. It was very on-brand for the pensive pubescent Kiji, always so speculative and never speaking with hesitation. It’s like her mind and mouth are one single organ that she has no control over. _

_ Of course, she could not deny that what Kiji said was true. Yvette found herself wishing she was still as self-deprecating as the girl kneeling in front of her. She knew Kiji was suffering and she knew it’s callous to crave something like that for one’s self. Still, she found that youth provided a certain privilege to contemplate; whether it be dreamy or nightmarish, Yvette wanted a second to herself to just… think. And breathe. _

_ Steering herself from spiraling into a pit of longing, she realized one thing and it’s that Kiji sounded like the internal monologue main characters usually have in those melodramatic novels Kiji has been reading lately. _

Novels, huh?

_ “Tell you what,” Yvette started, an idea formulating in her mind that might just save them from Kiji’s perpetual stubbornness to all things brothel-related. “If you do this one thing for me, I’ll cover for you so you could run along to Bronn and get another one of those stories you always occupy yourself with.” _

_ At the mention of getting time to herself to read, Kiji looked up, her previously emotionless eyes shining with cautious excitement. _

_ “I have a shift tonight at the pub,” she whispered. _

_ “Yeah, that’s what I mean by covering for you , sweetheart.” Yvette grinned as she kneeled down in front of Kiji, hands landing softly on the latter’s knees. “I think I can give you an hour at most. But only if you be a good girl.” _

The sun directly hitting Kiji’s eyes broke her from her momentary flashback. She didn’t realize she had spaced out while lining up with the rest of her fellow cadets.

It was the day of their entrance ceremony. Their commandant, Keith Shadis, wasted no time in putting the recruits into their places with intimidation and quite repeatedly calling the young volunteers of the 104th Cadets titan food.

Much to Kiji’s surprise, she had managed to accidentally tune out his screaming. She was a wreck when she woke up before sunrise. She had bathed, changed, and paced the side of her shared bunk bed as quietly as she could to ease her nerves, unconsciously playing with a strand of her hair (like she always did when she got apprehensive, a trait it seems only Yvette had picked up on).

She assumed she was only able to tune out their commandant’s taunting because she was used to being called worse, as dismal as that sounds. Perhaps her previous worrying was unnecessary.

Once she got her mind out of the lull it seemed to have crawled into, she was able to focus on the booming voice of the commandant.

“That’s wonderful to hear! You shall serve as bait for the titans!” He screamed at a short blond, eyes wide yet dark and sunken, like he had gone through a round trip to hell twice. “Third row, about-face!”

When the row in question did as commanded, Kiji could see the face of the cadet he just finished terrorizing flush a deep red.

_ Poor thing. _

Still, Kiji admired the fact that the short blond’s eyes were ablaze with a spark; although tiny and not all that bright, it was there.

Commandant Shadis continued down the rest of the rows. His screaming was getting irritating (who knew people on the surface had enough energy to be _ this _ loud despite the heat?) but Kiji’s expression remained as stoic as ever, eyes hard and looking straight ahead yet still hyper-aware of the commandant’s pacing.

So before he could question the boy to her right, Kiji _ knew _ that Shadis looked at her as he passed by, evaluated her stance, _ read _ and maybe even drafted an analytical essay in his mind about her visage, all with just a side look, never once facing her.

And Kiji didn’t as much as _ blink _ either.

It was only when Shadis stopped in front of the aforementioned boy beside her did she get a good look at the commandant, albeit it was only a quick side look, like he had done to her. Up close, she realized his eyes were actually deeper and darker than she first thought. She briefly wondered how deep one of her fingers would go through if she tried to measure the man’s eye bags.

_ Even my piece of shit father couldn’t challenge that look _ , Kiji thought. _ And I’ve had to deal with him after drinking for 48 hours straight . _ But before Shadis could notice her staring, Kiji’s eyes flickered back to the front as if she never took her sight out of the cadet across her.

“Who the hell are you?!” Shadis screaming was heard again.

Whoever the guy on her right was, Kiji hoped he wouldn’t say or do anything that would warrant the commandant to stay near her longer than necessary.

From the brief assessment Kiji gave Shadis, she also noticed that the person beside her was quite tall. Or perhaps she only thinks that because _everyone _can be considered tall if you’re as short as her.

“Jean Kirschtein from Trost District!” Came the cadet’s answer.

“Why are you here?!” _ _If he’s going to repeat that question over and over again, the least he could do is change up his titan food agenda as rebuttal._ _

“To join the Military Police Regiment and live in the interior!”

_ Well, that’s new _ , Kiji thought as she couldn’t recall anyone answer the way Kirschtein did to Shadis’ question. They were all about wanting to help humanity, same reasons as her, all things considered. But no one admitted to cowering inside Wall Sina like Jean Kirschtein did. _ At least he’s honest . _

“Oh, you want to live in the interior, don’t you?” Shadis’ voice found a lilt to it, one of mockery if you asked Kiji.

“Yes, sir!” Jean Kirschtein said, still as fervent as when he was first asked his name.

Everything went quiet.

Shadis was unmoving, staring at the Kirschtein boy. If Kiji trusted her ability to read people’s side profiles, she would be certain Jean Kirschtein was losing the ardor he began with.

Suddenly, his knees gave out on him as he clutched his forehead, bent over in pain and surprise.

The commandant had headbutted the boy, looming over his kneeling form as he continued with his yelling. “Who said you could sit? If you can’t handle this, you can forget about the Military Police!”

Kiji only stole glances at the Kirschtein boy’s figure on the ground. At the back of her head, she screamed at him to stand up and stop looking so pathetic for his sake. She knew the Training Corps would only become more and more demanding; it would do Jean Kirschtein, and everyone of them for that matter, to learn how to get back up as quickly as they were knocked down.

Now, she didn’t know the first thing to socializing. The only people she interacted with since she was born have been either forced to put up with her or people she’s trying to get away from. The one person she befriended died barely three days ago. She was inept in that department.

But she would be damned if she didn’t try to fix that.

She’s not in The Underground anymore. In no time, she would be sharing the pain and hardships of training with her fellow cadets. And eventually, she would have to mourn for some of them if they don’t mourn for her first. If there was any way of destroying those tall ass walls and pieces of shit titans, it would be through having her comrades by her side.

“Get up,” Kiji said, voice as low as ever, once Shadis moved on to his next victim: a sweet looking boy named Marco Bott. Luckily enough, the commandant didn’t hear her, too occupied with telling poor Marco that _ the king didn’t want his lousy life or limbs . _

Jean froze when he heard the voice. He figured it was talking to him because he’s the only one not standing, after all.

“If you really want to join the Military Police then get the fuck up,” Kiji hissed under one breath when Jean merely stopped shaking (he looked like he stopped breathing, too) but remained on the ground.

When he realized the voice coming to his left _ really was _talking to him, he moved his head to the side to look at the source.

Beside him, a short dark-haired girl stood, eyes trained on the cadet in front of her, showing no signs of having talked to him until she glanced at him and raised an eyebrow in question and encouragement before looking straight ahead again.

Jean stared at her. He didn’t know her yet there she was sticking her nose into his business. _ Or maybe she was just trying to help me? _ Jean thought to himself as he continued to gaze at the girl, partly to understand her intentions, partly to get a full glimpse of her face.

Shaking the slight confusion (and pain) off his head, Jean came to his senses and began to comply, getting back up on his feet and moving to stand at ease like the rest of the cadets.

When the Kirschtein boy finally rose back to his full height, Kiji let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She was relieved that the boy didn’t cause a scene. That means she succeeded in trying to help, right? Then again, who _would _make a scene in a situation like the one they’re in?

Pushing her thoughts to the back of her head, she turned her head slightly to the right, waiting until she could see Jean’s eyes flicker to her before nodding. Kiji saw him hesitantly nod back before they both resumed staring straight ahead.

Dealing with Hange Zoë’s antics was already a chore in itself. But dealing with a caffeinated Hange Zoë was a whole other level of exhausting for the short-tempered (and equally short-statured) captain, the caffeine of the black tea in his system did little to make dealing with Hange and a whole new generation of brats bearable.

“What do you say, short-stack,” Hange began as she looked out at the recruits with a grin, her glasses glinting. “You think these Young Bloods are as ballsy as you?”

“_ They _ might be ballsy,” a new voice piped up. Mike Zacharias stepped up beside an annoyed Levi, mildly intrigued as he observed Shadis lift a short bald boy up by his head. “Levi’s just a huge pain in the ass.”

“You have it backwards, Connie Springer. It was the first thing you were taught!”

Levi rolled his eyes before speaking, “Does he ever stop screaming?”

They watched as Shadis chewed the boy out before dropping him, eyes focusing on his new prey.

“Hey, you. What do you think you’re doing?” He asked a brunette who seemed to be holding something in her hand. When she didn’t respond, Shadis raised his voice yet again, “I’m talking to you! Who the hell are you?”

A scoff escaped Levi’s lips both at Shadis incessant screaming and when he realized the brunette was _ eating _ during the ceremony.

Hange, on the other hand, let out a hearty laugh when the young girl saluted with the potato in her hand. To avoid garnering attention, Mike reached across Levi to cover Hange’s mouth with his hand.

“Sasha Blouse from Dauper Village on the south side of Wall Rose!” The cadet answered vigorously as if she wasn’t about to be in any trouble at all.

Letting his eyes scan the rest of the recruits, Levi’s eyes fell on a certain dark-haired girl, gaze focused straight ahead but her lips threatened to betray her serious facade as they curled up at the ends ever so slightly.

“Sasha Blouse. What are you holding in your right hand?”

(With all the screaming and military seriousness and nerves that have been eating her up the whole day, Sasha Blouse was a refreshing change of pace for Kiji.

_Why didn’t I notice her hand before? _She asked herself.)

Tuning out the display before him, Levi wondered where he had seen this girl before.

“A steamed potato, sir! I found one in the cookhouse that was ready to eat so I couldn’t help myself!”

Her middle length dark hair put in a french braid wasn’t striking or worth remembering in any way, it was as common as hairstyles go, yet he can’t shake the sense of familiarity crawling up his spine.

“You stole it? Why?”

As if feeling eyes on her, the girl who Levi had been scrutinizing turned her own eyes towards him. They held eye contact for a moment (or at least Levi thought they did, he couldn’t really see what exactly she was looking at with the distance they had) before her eyes flickered to Sasha Blouse and then resuming her gaze on the front, lips hinting at a smile once more.

Deciding nothing about the ceremony was worth his attention at all anymore, Levi turned and started walking to the mess hall where he could make himself another cup of tea.

“Oi, shorty, where you going?” Hange asked as Levi walked past her. “When they said the Scouts had to oversee the Southern Division Training Corps, you know that includes you, right?”

“There’s nothing to oversee at the moment,” came Levi’s answer as he continued down his path. “Besides, I imagine you’d do well to scare these brats. Maybe they’d rethink their decisions and drop out.”

“Leave the grumpy old man alone, it’s time for his afternoon tea,” Mike said, still looking out at the group of fresh meat before him.

“You sure you don’t need one for yourself too, old Mike?”

Leaving Hange and Mike alone, Levi neared the entrance to the mess hall. The last thing he heard before closing the screen door behind him was Sasha Blouse’s question.

“Are you asking me why people eat potatoes, sir?”

Kiji lined up to get her share of rations when the evening rolled in. They were given a couple of physical exercises after the entrance ceremony, not quite cadet training yet but it was something that kept them moving.

She wasn’t the fittest person to exist but Kiji’s endurance is commendable for someone of her size. However, with the loss of appetite she had been experiencing the past couple of days due to her nerves, the exercise burned her remaining energy up and she was _ famished _.

Finding a table that was still empty, Kiji made a beeline to sit at the edge of one of the benches. As peacefully as she could with the growing noise of her comrades, she ate her bread and soup, looking around her every now and then.

Finishing the half of her bowl, Kiji felt more than heard the presence walking towards her. As she raised her spoon to her mouth, she sensed that there were actually _ two _ people walking her way. When they reached her table, one sat across her on the other bench and the other on her right.

Looking up, Kiji recognized the boy in front of her. The freckled boy she remembers as Marco Bott smiled kindly at her.

“Do you mind if we sit here?” Marco asked.

“You already are, what’s the point in asking?” Kiji shot back with a smile, hoping it was enough to tell the boy that she was only teasing. This would be the second time she’d try to get people to like her, she didn’t want to blow her chances.

Luckily, Marco read her question right, merely smiling wider before introducing himself, “I’m Marco Bott, by the way.”

“Kiji Lee.” She nodded her head before taking another spoonful of soup into her mouth.

“And that’s Jean Kirschtein.” Marco pointed to the person on her right. Turning her head, it was, in fact, Jean Kirschtein who sat beside her, eyes calculating as he watched the exchange before him.

“You have a habit of situating yourself to my right, don’t you?” Kiji asked teasingly, taking another spoonful into her mouth.

Jean rolled his eyes before beginning to eat. After a few bites, he asked, “Why’d you tell me to get up earlier?”

Nibbling on her bread, Kiji swallowed before answering. “You didn’t look like you were planning to do so any time soon, so…” She looked at Jean, eyes gleaming with faint amusement before shrugging and returning her focus on the bread in her hands.

_Stale_, Kiji thought. _I_ _should have smuggled a couple of apples with me in this place._

“What, that’s it?” Jean asked incredulously.

At the boy’s tone, Kiji turned her head again, the faint amusement in her eyes growing to become more obvious.

“Was I supposed to have a deeper motive or something?” She questioned, swinging her right foot to the other side of the bench to fully face Jean.

“I believe it’s called _ helping _, Jean,” Marco said, contributing to the conversation.

“See, Marco gets it.” Kiji grinned at the boy she mentioned, glancing at him to see an innocent but playful smile on his lips, before returning her gaze to Jean.

She raised a teasing eyebrow at Jean’s silence, her grin never leaving her lips. Jean looked at her one last time before shaking his head and resuming eating.

“I don’t get it,” he started. “I wouldn’t have done that with Shadis still so close, he could have chewed me out if he heard.”

“Well, good thing he didn’t, then,” Kiji said cheekily before finishing the rest of her soup. Shrugging, she added, “Besides, even if he did, it’s not like I’d be the only one to get screamed at.”

“Yeah, he lashed at a good portion of us.” Marco said, nodding slightly as he ate.

“Don’t get why they have to intimidate cadets like that,” Jean grumbled, recalling his embarrassment.

Kiji hummed before speaking, “I’m guessing that’s how they plan on reconditioning us. Maybe they think blank slates tend to be more efficient soldiers.”

The two nodded, digesting what she said.

“He skipped you, though,” Jean remarked. Looking up at her two table-mates, Kiji saw their expectant faces.

She chuckled when she realized they were probably waiting for an explanation from her. They both _had _been chewed out by Shadis (Jean was even headbutted) while a bunch of the other cadets weren’t. They were probably confused if not somewhat envious.

“He skipped a lot of people,” Kiji pointed. “I don’t know why he did that, but…” She shrugged, signaling her own unawareness.

“Do you think it has something to do with where we come from?” Marco mused, his eyebrows furrowing as he munched on his bread. “He did ask where we’re from instead of just our names and why we joined.”

“Could be, but how would he know who to ask and who not to then?” Kiji humored the idea. She thought maybe it was why Shadis examined her the way he did, trying to pluck out where she could’ve been from, what she had experienced before joining.

“Speaking of which,” Jean suddenly spoke up. “Where are you from?” He asked Kiji.

She looked at Jean and for a moment, she contemplated telling him and Marco the truth. She thought about this before, what to say in case someone asked her where she came from. She figured people outside The Underground wouldn’t _know _about The Underground and telling them her place of origin would only guarantee more questions—ones she would probably answer honestly, and with that honesty comes people withdrawing from her.

“I’m from inside Wall Sina,” Kiji spoke up, choosing to lie at the last minute. She told herself she wasn’t actually _ lying _ as The Underground really is deep within Sina.

“Really?” Marco said at the same time Jean asked, “Seriously?”

However, their questions seemed to be drowned out by the voices of their comrades from another table.

“What? I heard it stepped over the wall!”

“Me too!”

“That’s what they said in my village, too!”

Kiji only now realized the crowd that has formed around one of the other tables, too immersed with the conversation she had with Jean and Marco.

Looking across her, she noticed the latter stand and move closer to the group. On the other hand, Jean and her simply turned their heads toward the noise.

“No, it wasn’t that big.”

From where Kiji was sitting, she couldn’t see who spoke. The crowd, it seemed, was formed _around _someone talking about the titan attack in Maria and he had his back to her.

Trying to hear the person clearly, she rested her head on her hand propped up by her elbow on the table, craning her neck and focusing on the voice.

“What did it look like?”

“It had a huge mouth and almost no skin.”

_ Sounds like my father _.

“What about the Armored Titan that broke Wall Maria?”

“That’s what people call it but it looked like an ordinary titan to me.”

_ Armored Titan? Ordinary titan? Seems like this boy has seen a lot. _

“Then what are ordinary titans like?”

There was a pause after that. The answers that came almost as immediately as the questions were asked stopped suddenly, the silence validating Kiji’s thoughts.

_This boy _ has _ seen a lot . _

There were a few more seconds of silence before the sound of metal hitting metal and skin hitting skin could be heard.

Finally, Marco spoke, voice loud enough for the entire crowd to hear but soft enough to convey his worry, “Let’s spare him the questions, everyone. I’m sure there are things he doesn’t want to remember.”

“Sorry for asking—” another voice started but got cut off.

“It’s not like that!”

The statement a chorus of gasps from the crowd (something Kiji found amusing but she fought a chuckle, deeming the moment inappropriate). After a momentary pause, the voice spoke again.

“Titans aren’t actually that big of a deal.” His voice had a new enthusiastic edge to it. “Once we’ve mastered omnidirectional mobility gear, they’ll be nothing to us. We finally get to train as soldiers. I was just overwhelmed with emotion, that’s all.”

_ Well, that was a 180-degree turn _, Kiji thought. Beside her, she could see Jean gazing at the commotion with a bored look on his face.

“I’m going to join the Scout Regiment and drive titans out of this world!”

_ He certainly has spunk _. Kiji thought that whoever this voice was, she’d like to get to know them properly. They might get along well.

“I’m going to slaughter them!”

Apparently, she was the only one thinking that way at her table...

Because Jean suddenly spoke up, voice uninterested yet mocking at the same time, “Oi, are you insane? Did you just say you’re going to join the Scout Regiment?

“What’s wrong with the Survey Corps?” Kiji accidentally asked out loud. Thankfully it was quietly enough that only Jean could hear. He ignored her, though, when the boy turned and answered defensively, seeming to have taken offense to Jean’s questions.

“Yes, that’s right. Aren’t you the one who wants to join the Military Police and live the easy life?”

Kiji was right. Whoever this guy was, they’d _ really _ get along well.

“I’m all about being honest, you see,” Jean shot back. _ Can’t say I disagree with that _, Kiji thought, before Jean continued. “It’s much nicer than being, say, a loser who acts tough but is actually scared shitless.”

“Jean,” Kiji hissed, eyebrows furrowing at his behavior. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Jean, yet again, ignored her.

“Are you talking about me?” The boy asked darkly, standing up. Softly, Kiji heard a hesitant _ stop _ being uttered by one of the people in the crowd.

Jean didn’t stop though. “Come on now, it makes no difference to me.”

Leaving Kiji behind, he stood up, walking towards the boy. Completely unrelated, Kiji realized that he really was tall, and not just because she’s short. Jean towered over the boy by a few inches, and the latter probably already had half a foot on Kiji.

She merely looked on, not daring to call Jean out and have the spotlight on her.

It was silent, the boy simply frowning at Kirschtein while he had a taunting smile on his face. The stare-off was broken when a bell sounded, signalling the end of dinner.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Jean suddenly announced, the smile still on his face. “I don’t mean to dismiss your ideas.” Holding his right hand up, he said, “Let’s be friends.”

Shaking her head, curiosity and amusement danced in Kiji’s eyes as she watched the scene before her. _ What is going on inside your head, Jean Kirschtein? _

“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” the boy declared, clapping his palm against Jean’s open one, before walking towards the door of the mess hall. All the while, Jean’s face remained mocking.

That is until a dark-haired girl walked after the guy who just left.

Noticing Jean’s change of expression, Kiji turned her eyes towards what he’s looking at.

Now, she has confusing thoughts about confusing things. But if there’s one thing she’s sure of, it’s that she _understood _what rendered Jean speechless.

_ She’s pretty. _

Calling after the girl, Jean stuttered out a pathetic _ Hey, you _(to which Kiji rolled her eyes at). He continued after the girl turned, signalling that she’s listening, “Well, I-I’ve never seen anyone who looks like you before. Sorry! Y-you have… pretty black hair.”

The girl just stared blankly for a moment before speaking, “Thanks.” Noticing Kiji’s eyes on her, she gestured at the latter, “She does, too.” Turning, she walked back towards the door leading outside.

_ Wait, did she just — _

Startled (and wanting validation that the pretty girl really said she had pretty hair too), Kiji turned her doubtful gaze towards Jean who was already looking at her, stunned and accusing.

For a while, the pair was in a daze until Kiji chuckled, unable to contain her _mild _giddiness.

The sound seemed to knock Jean off his shock for he shook his head and ran after the girl.

While Kiji was admittedly giddy, she still didn’t get the validation she wanted. Turning to look at Marco (who had came back to sit across her again after the clash with Jean and the other boy), she asked, “Did you hear that? She said I was pretty, right?”

Marco chuckled, swallowing the piece of bread he bit off before saying, “She said you had pretty _ hair _ too—” Kiji pouted “—because, you know, that’s what Jean said. That she has pretty black hair.” Seeing the look on Kiji’s face, he laughed harder. “Don’t worry, Kiji, you _are _pretty.”

Smiling genuinely, Kiji answered, “I don’t know how to respond to that.” That earned another laugh from Marco.

“You can start with a _ thank you _ and a promise that we’ll be friends throughout this training.”

_ Sweet, cheeky boy , _ Kiji gushed in her head. _ I wanna squeeze his freckly cheeks and give him all the pats in the world. _

“Just throughout this training? Not until after?” She frowned jokingly.

Laughing again (not that Kiji’s complaining), Marco held out his right hand, mocking Jean and saying, “It’s a deal then. Let’s be friends.”

With a sincere chuckle that seems so foreign to her after a long time, Kiji shook Marco’s hand, a warm feeling in her stomach.

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> marco!!!!! and jean!!!!!! and levi!!!!! and mikasa!!!!!! and eren and connie and sasha and armin too but they didn't have any interactions with oc yet. but i /just/ realized that when eren was talking about the armored titan in the anime, it cut to reiner looking like he was listening in on what eren had to say lmao anyway,,, i hope you liked it!! comment down any criticism you have whether it be how i write my characters or how fast or slow you want the pacing of the chapters to be!! i wanna know your thoughts :D


	3. Pierce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And she knew that Aether wouldn’t be the last time she’ll experience loss. But knowing isn’t the same as accepting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. jean and kiji roll their eyes a lot  
2\. the flashbacks aren't chronological and are based on the content of the chapter they're in  
3\. i have like,, mixed feelings for the earlier and middle part of this chapter. i mean i like it but they were mostly filler scenes??? so  
4\. but i really enjoyed writing the latter part and i hope you enjoy reading it too and i hope it's just the right amount of angst for y'all :D  
5\. this is so long omg i'm sorry ;;;  
6\. i promise to put more levi in the next chapters lmao

_ “Fix your stance.” _

_ Kiji did as she was told, putting most of her weight on her dominant foot. _

_ Aether circled her, observing the way Kiji’s eyes lit up with determination. “Adjust your grip and angle. Take into account the distance of your target.” _

_ That glint in her eyes was recognizable. It spoke of calm rage threatening to spill; of quiet desires whose whispers are beginning to get deafening. It scared Aether yet at the same time intrigued him. It was obvious the glint was starting to fog her vision. What worried him was that he had seen that fog signal a storm that swallows people whole. _

_ Aether didn’t know if he had the strength to keep her on the ground if that happens to her. _

_ Squaring her shoulders, Kiji gave the knife in her hand one last twirl before holding it properly. She bent her elbow and wrist the way she deemed best considering the distance and the weight of her knife. _

_ She took a deep breath, exhaling only until the knife was out of her hand. Twirling twice, it hit the ring directly outside the center of her target. _

_ Grinning proudly, Kiji turned to Aether, “That was good, right?” She asked, excitement evident in her voice but still slightly doubtful. “For a first try in this distance, I did good, right?” _

_ Hearing her question, any uncertainty Aether had disappeared. The pure delight of achieving something by herself, not to inflict pain on others but to prove to herself that she can , was enough to answer his question. _

_ Kiji didn’t need him to hold herself down. _

I should trust her_ , he thought, his own pride showing in his eyes as he looked at the girl in front of her. _ She got this handled _ . _

_ Shaking his head, Aether huffed out a quiet laugh, stalking towards his apprentice to pat her head, messing her hair up in the process. _

_ “Yeah, you did good,” Aether said, playfully rolling his eyes. Kiji grinned. “Now do it again. And try to hit the center this time if you actually want to be half as good as me.” _

The cold water cascading down her back made Kiji shiver. She didn’t know just how chilly it could get in the girls’ barracks. If she knew, she wouldn’t have slept in just a sleeved nightgown.

Judging from the chattering of Sasha’s teeth to the left of her bunk when she woke up, she guessed none of them knew either. Luckily for Mikasa (whose name Kiji got when her roommates and her exchanged introductions the night before), she had the scarf she wore around her neck.

Slipping out of the shower, Kiji dried herself before dressing up in their cadet uniforms. She liked the simplicity of the entire outfit. She loved the sound the boots made when she walked and she loved how the leather straps hugged her thighs and legs; they were tight enough that Kiji could feel them digging into her skin but loose enough that she could still move freely. It felt familiar—comfortable. 

It was still quite early in the morning. It seemed only her and Sasha were awake in their room.

Said girl woke up earlier but hadn’t moved since she sat up. Much to her amusement, when Kiji got back, Sasha was still in her shivering, teeth-chattering daze.

Approaching her semi-unconscious comrade, Kiji tapped Sasha’s shoulder lightly before asking, “Hey, are you okay?”

Languidly, she turned to Kiji, eyes half open, before nodding, letting out a sleepy sigh. Before Kji could say anything, Sasha muttered quietly, “You smell nice.”

Laughing at the girl’s unusual yet still endearing compliment, Kiji continued, “Okay, well, do you wanna hit the showers now so we can get breakfast earlier than the others?”

At the slight mention of eating, Sasha suddenly jolted awake, eyes wide with realization, “Oh my god, you’re right!” Grabbing Kiji’s shoulders, she pleaded, “Please wait for me before going to the mess hall, I won’t take long!”

With that, Sasha Blouse dashed to the bathrooms, leaving a stunned but heavily entertained Kiji behind.

_ Character _ , she thought. _ I love it _.

Hearing rustling from behind her, Kiji turned to see Mikasa starting to wake up from the bunk above hers. Not knowing how to act, Kiji momentarily froze, facial features resembling that of someone who just saw a titan for the first time.

...Okay, tactless, _ yes _, but Kiji was so nervous around the impassive girl, Mikasa might as well be trying to devour the former whole just for the heck of it.

While Kiji was kind of impassive herself sometimes, she doubted she looked _that_good with a blank face. Mikasa’s features were so strong and defined, it’s as if being stoic was invented just for her to wear as a default expression.

_ Holy shit, idiot, say something, don’t just gawk at her _, Kiji scolded herself in her head. 

Ridding herself from her confoundment, Kiji said softly, “Hi.”

_ You could at least smile, you fucking moron _. And she timidly did.

Realizing that someone else was awake and talking to her, Mikasa turned her head to her left where she heard the voice come from. She nodded in acknowledgement at Kiji, recognizing that she was the girl whose hair Mikasa complimented last night.

_ Okay, say something more . _

“Er… Sasha and I are planning to head to breakfast early,” Kiji said, gaining confidence with every syllable. “She’s just taking a bath right now. Would you like to come with?”

Mikasa’s lips curled slightly at the invitation, nodding her head before saying calmly, “Okay, just give me a few minutes.” With that, she left and headed for the showers.

Kiji let out a content sigh when the door to their room shut behind Mikasa. _ That went well, I guess _ . She thought. _ She did somehow smile. Smiles are usually a good sign _.

Sitting down on her bunk with her head against the wall, Kiji rested her eyes, aiming for a nap before the two girls came back.

The mess hall so early in the morning would probably be Kiji’s new favorite place. It was quiet and nearly empty, the sun’s natural light filtering in through the windows and casting an almost magical glow on the wooden tables and benches.

Kiji didn’t think she could ever get tired of basking in the morning sun.

As she made her way through the wide mess hall with Sasha and Mikasa, trays of food in hand, Kiji couldn’t help but look out through the windows, continuing to admire the way the trees and the grass look with the early sun shining on them, just like she did earlier when they made the trek from the female barracks to get their breakfast.

Settling down on a table near one of the windows (Sasha uttering a _ finally _ when her ass touched the bench), Kiji took her time with her food. Mikasa sat beside her, eating calmly as well while Sasha occupied the other side, too engrossed with her meal to talk to the other two.

Well, it’s not like Kiji’s trying with a conversation either. She’s still a bit on edge with having Mikasa so close to her. Besides, the latter didn’t seem to _ want _ to talk anyway, so an easy silence fell upon the three.

That silence was broken when a group of their comrades filed in to the mess hall, chattering among themselves. Lazily looking up from her food, Kiji saw that amidst those people were Jean and Marco who were talking to a buff blond and a really tall (gigantic if you put him beside Kiji) dark-haired boy.

Marco was first to notice her, smiling and waving towards her direction. When Jean caught on to what Marco was doing, he looked in her direction and she thought he was probably about to wave too but pouted instead when he recognized the girl sitting to her left.

Realizing what had Jean sulking, Kiji chuckled, earning the attention of her two table-mates.

“What is it?” Mikasa asked calmly, looking over at the girl to her right, finished with her meal already.

“Do you remember the guy who talked to you last night?” Kiji began, a small smile painting her features. “About your hair.”

Mikasa merely nodded in answer, looking around for her own friends.

“He fancies you, you know.” Kiji was chuckling again.

Shaking her head, Mikasa answered, “He didn’t say anything like that.” She looked at Kiji and continued, “He only said I have pretty black hair. And you do, too.”

“Yeah, I think that means he likes you,” Sasha struggled to say from the other side, cheeks scrunched up with the last of her food. Kiji nodded along to Sasha’s statement before eating again.

“Do you mind if I go see my friends?” Mikasa asked to which the other two shook their heads no. Walking around Kiji, the edges of her lips raised ever so slightly again before leaving, muttering a _ see you later _.

Sasha stared after Mikasa’s form, nodding her head before turning to Kiji, “She’s scary but I like her.”

“Like who?” Marco asked, suddenly popping up beside their table, Jean and another boy, who Kiji recognized as Connie Springer, in tow.

“Hello, Marco,” Kiji greeted with a smile.

Making room for the three, the brunette introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Sasha!”

Sitting once again to Kiji’s right, the pout never left his face as he nodded, “Jean.” Kiji couldn’t help but chuckle again at the boy’s expression (which he glared at her for).

“Connie Springer,” the short bald-headed boy said, sitting beside Sasha.

“I’m Marco.” Said boy had his signature beam again, finally taking a seat on Jean’s right.

_ I wanna poke each and every freckle he has _.

“You’re potato girl, right?” Connie asked Sasha after everyone has settled on their seats.

The girl in question gasped, cheeks steadily gaining a rosy color, as she asked in horror, “That’s what people call me?”

And just like that, conversation effortlessly transpired within their table. Marco reassured Sasha that the nickname wasn’t mocking in any way; just because it was the easiest term to remember her by.

Kiji argued, a laugh accenting her voice, “The name _ Sasha _ isn’t that easy to forget, though.”

“Yeah, and I remember introducing myself in front of _ everyone _ when Shadis asked!” Sasha clapped her palms over her blush when she said this.

“Hey, I don’t know.” Connie raised his hands defensively. “I wasn’t the one who started it.”

“That potato was really good, though,” Sasha muttered, finally bringing her hands down from her cheeks, remembering the savory potato she had the day before. “It was crisp on the outside but soft on the inside.”

“Stop fantasizing, potato girl,” Jean grumbled. “You _just_had breakfast.”

Dejectedly, Sasha let out a longing sigh. “This breakfast doesn’t compare to that potato.”

Jean grumpily rolled his eyes, going back to focusing on his meal.

Tuning out the conversation, Kiji turned to the sulky boy beside her, smile teasing as she said, “I talked to Mikasa about you.”

Exaggeratedly aghast, Jean looked at Kiji and asked, “Why would you do that?”

“I told her you liked her.” Kiji shrugged, smile still intact.

“And what did she say?” Jean narrowed his eyes, although slightly taken aback by the girl’s boldness. (She did just burn red last night when Mikasa acknowledged her.)

Kiji smirked at the disappointment that painted Jean’s face as she reiterated what Mikasa told her.

With another pout and his eyebrow’s furrowed, the Kirschtein boy said, “She probably only blew me off because of _ him . _”

“Well, regardless of _ who _ you’re talking about, you have no right to be so pissed off,” Kiji shot back in Mikasa’s defense with a roll of her eyes.

“Why not?” Jean challenged, raising an eyebrow at her. “And I’m talking about Eren Yaeger, that loser from last night, the one talking about joining the Scouts.”

(_ Ah, so that’s what his name is _, she thought absentmindedly.)

“Because, Jean Kirschtein,” Kiji started, a teasing smile back on her lips as she patiently explained the situation to him. (_ Boys _, she scoffed in her head.) “Mikasa doesn’t owe you shit.”

Jean was silent as he stared at her for a moment, realizing that Kiji was right but wasn’t about to admit that to anyone, especially not to _ her _, with that mocking simper on her face that infuriatingly suits her and her unpredictable brazen personality.

_ This is _ not _ the time to be coming to terms with Kiji’s charm, dumbass _ , Jean pondered momentarily. _ I thought you were taken with Mikasa? _

Rolling his eyes and pouting even deeper (partly at his unsolicited thoughts), he turned back to his food after muttering, “Whatever.”

Laughing once again at the boy’s predicament, Kiji reached over to ruffle Jean’s hair. “It’s alright, _ Jeanie _, you’ll find someone else.”

Scoffing, Jean swatted her hand off his hair and grumbled, “Call me that again, and I swear.” After angrily biting off a piece of bread, he added, “You’re lucky you’re cute, Kiji Lee.”

Basking in the rays of the sun out on the training field, Kiji tried her best _ not _ to zone out this time, as they are to officially begin training, and missing out on an important detail might not do her good.

Before the bell rang, signalling the end of breakfast, you can be sure that she didn’t let Jean’s words live down.

She had gasped dramatically once Jean was finished uttering her name, eyes widening in mock shock. “You just called me cute!” After a smug chuckle, she asked, “My, are you falling in love with me now, Jean Kirschtein?”

Marco, who had been listening to their entire conversation, laughed at the deepening scowl on Jean’s face. To finish with the frosting on the cake, he added playfully, “Be careful, Kiji, he might actually do.”

With a snort, Kiji answered, “Don’t worry, Marco. I don’t plan on being a rebound.”

Safe to say that Jean hadn’t talked to either of them since then. 

With a lighthearted feeling, Kiji refocused on the sound of thundering of boots as her comrades lined up. She stood in the middle of Marco and Sasha, with Connie on the latter’s left and Jean on the former’s right. She hoped that the blithe mood during breakfast carried out until after training.

Her thoughts had been relatively peaceful the last few days but she can’t help feeling a cloud of darkness creeping up on her.

She was cut off from her thoughts when Marco elbowed her, gesturing towards where Shadis and three Scout Regiment soldiers stood.

“Do you know why there are Scouts out front?” Kiji whispered to Marco.

“Weren’t you listening yesterday?” Marco teased with a smile on his face (that only grew when he saw Kiji pout at his question). “They’re here to oversee Training.”

_ Shadis must have explained that during the time I tuned out his screaming _, she thought to herself.

From beside Marco, Jean piped up, loud enough for only the three of them to hear, “Nice to know they’re finally doing something productive.”

He got elbowed by Marco after that while Kiji merely rolled her eyes as she was too far away to elbow the boy herself. She looked at each of the Scouts properly, trying to remember their faces so as to prevent herself from doing anything idiotic with them around. She _ was _ planning on joining the Survey Corps, after all. Embarrassing herself in front of her would-be seniors didn’t sound all that nice.

Trailing her eyes from a woman with a ponytail and a pair of rectangular glasses to a tall man with blonde hair whose bangs were parted in the middle, her eyes landed finally on a short, dark-haired man with an undercut whose scowl was somewhat familiar.

_ I swear, I recognize that frown _, she thought to herself, wondering where she could’ve possibly seen the man before. Not realizing she was still staring, though, Kiji flinched slightly when the man’s eyes met hers. But for some reason, she didn’t immediately look away, only breaking eye contact when the man raised a thin, questioning eyebrow at her.

_ Way to go not making a fool of yourself, moron . _

“We’ll begin by determining your aptitude!” Shadis began, catching her attention, making her flick her gaze towards him instead. “If you can’t do this, you’re not even fit to be bait.”

_ Ah, yes, the Titan Food agenda is back _. Kiji sighed, mood starting to dampen. Shaking her head slightly, she tried to focus instead on the task given to them.

They were told to split into groups to take turns on the ODM training equipment. Among her group were the four people she shared breakfast with, one of her roommates Annie Leonheart, and the two boys Marco and Jean were talking to when they got to the mess hall, Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.

“So, you just have to stay still?” Sasha asked as she observed Annie balance on the training equipment.

“Yeah, I guess. I mean…” Kiji said, eyebrows furrowed, examining the way Annie held herself. “There doesn’t seem to be anything else to do other than _ not _move.”

“Still probably easier said than done,” a voice Kiji didn’t recognize spoke up.

Looking towards the source, she saw Reiner Braun standing beside her as he looked towards Annie as well, who was finally being lowered for the next cadet to take their turn.

Feeling eyes on him, Reiner turned to the small girl on his left. Smirking slightly, he introduced himself, “Reiner Braun.” He lifted his hand up for Kiji to shake.

She nodded, accepting the outstretched hand and grasping it into her own, “Kiji Lee.”

“That’s Bertholdt.” Reiner pointed to the boy who replaced Annie on the training equipment.

Not knowing if she had to do the same as Reiner and introduce someone to him too, Kiji awkwardly gestured to the girl on her other side. “I- uh… this is Sasha.”

At the mention of her name, Sasha turned and raised her hand for Reiner to shake, “Nice to meet you!”

Unceremoniously, the blond smirked once more and said, “Ah, potato girl.”

Huffing out a puff of laughter, Kiji patted Sasha’s shoulder as the latter let out a gasp of indignation, yanking her hand from the boy’s hold to instead point an accusing finger at him.

“Were you the one who started that nickname?” She shrieked, picking up the attention of a few nearby cadets and the four seniors supervising them.

Bringing Sasha’s arm down gently, Kiji couldn’t help another laugh from escaping her, casually scolding the girl staring Reiner down, “Keep it down, Sasha, Shadis is glaring at you.”

Letting out a snicker of his own, Reiner raised his hands in defense (much like how Connie did earlier). “Not me. It’s Daz and his friends.”

“Who?” Sasha asked, eyebrows furrowing, prosecuting eyes still on the blond.

Reiner pointed to a group of cadets who were laughing at Eren Yaeger as he flipped, failing to balance himself.

_ Huh, maybe staying still _ i s _ easier said than done , _ Kiji thought, beginning to doubt if she could accomplish the task properly.

Sighing, she moved past Sasha and Reiner to get closer to the equipment, watching even more intently as Connie was raised in place of Bertholdt and managed to balance himself with little problem.

Her eyes studied every inch of the scene in front of her, from the wires connected to Connie’s belt to the way his hips would jerk slightly when he loses composure.

She thought perhaps it really wasn’t just about staying still but more about knowing how to distribute weight across the body, especially towards the lower half.

She stayed back to observe some more until everyone in her group except her had their turn. Realizing that she could no longer stall, Kiji sighed once more (it’s a habit she had way before she even planned to leave The Underground) and started walking towards the equipment. On the way there, Marco gave her an encouraging pat on the head which did well to lift her doubts even just slightly.

As the wires were being attached to her belt, she took a deep breath and willed her hands to stop shaking, knowing that she needed to stay calm in order to keep her balance while suspended in midair.

_ It’s going to be alright, Kiji _ , she thought. _ Besides, this is what training _ is _ for anyway . _

Feeling her feet lift off the ground slowly, she cleared her head and focused on the pressure on her hips as the wires pulled her upwards from her sides. Steadily understanding how to angle herself, Kiji was able to completely stay still once the pulling stopped, leaving her to dangle upright at around the middle of the equipment, not once teetering forward nor backwards even with the blowing of the wind against her form.

_ This actually feels nice _ , she thought as the weightlessness she felt was somehow soothing. _ I wonder if this is how Yvette felt whenever she took coderoin . _

Kiji looked around, examining the training grounds at the height that she was in. Feeling actually tall for once, she couldn’t help the laugh that passed her lips, giddy over being able to see over the top of her comrade’s heads (even over Bertholdt’s!).

The vibrations should’ve knocked her off her balance, something Levi took note of as he watched the girl he caught staring at him earlier; the same girl he had noticed at the entrance ceremony the day before. However, said girl merely swang back and forth when she laughed, maintaining her stance until she was lowered back to the ground, lazy smile not leaving her lips.

There really was something about her that he couldn’t point out and _ for fuck’s sake , _ it irked him not knowing _ what _ about this person seemed so familiar. The unceasing uncertainty knocking against the back of his head was irritating, putting him in an even sourer mood and unintentionally painting the poor cadet in bad lighting.

In his defense, he didn’t know that many people and it’s unusual for him to vaguely recognize a stranger.

_ At least she isn’t a bothersome brat that can’t hold her own _ , he gloomily thought to himself, trying to alleviate the annoyance he felt towards the girl as he wrenched his eyes from her to _ oversee _ the other cadets’ performance.

When the wires were finally taken off her, Kiji bound to her group, feeling light and proud, satisfied with her accomplishment (and the fact that she got to experience how it feels to be tall).

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Jean grumpily asked, eyeing Kiji somewhat suspiciously as she reached him and Marco.

Not being able to stop herself, she chuckled again before answering, “I saw what it’s like to be taller than five foot two.” (Marco simply laughed at this but Jean is a piece of shit so…)

Humming at the response he received, Jean pretended to think, “Hmm, yeah you are quite small, aren’t you?” For extra measure, he stood next to Kiji and looked down on her, resembling that of when a child sees a peculiar animal for the first time.

In retaliation, Kiji elbowed him on the stomach, rolling her eyes. “Alright, asshole. No need to rain on my parade.”

“Knock it off, Jean,” Marco said with a small smile on his face, looking towards Kiji. She was about to voice her gratitude towards the freckled boy for defending her but he beat her to it, swallowing the appreciation back down her throat at his words, “I heard dwarves tend to get really grumpy. It’s best not to piss her off.”

(_ On second thought … _)

While Kiji loved the early sun on her skin, she found that the heat in the afternoon was quite irritating.

After the morning aptitude test, the cadets were given an upper body exercise routine to follow before being sent to lunch. That period transpired uneventfully (except perhaps for when Sasha briefly complained about the lack of meat in their meal), as Kiji and her table-mates were too preoccupied with filling their stomachs, tired from the workout they had.

When the bell rang, they were directed back to the training grounds. There, a table stood with a couple of throwing knives, facing seven targets, three on each side that all lead up to the farthest target in the middle.

Kiji didn’t know how to feel.

She imagined knife throwing might resurface a few memories she’d rather _ not _ remember at that moment, where the intrusive eyes of her comrades and seniors could see her. Perhaps if she were at the safety of their barracks, where her pillows could hide the ugly sobs that would wreck her frame in case the memories got _ a little too much _ to handle.

She realized that _ this _ was probably the darkness she felt creeping up on her.

After all, she never really gave herself the time to properly grieve before launching into this new chapter of her life.

No, after Aether told her to go, leaving had been the _ only _ thing on her mind.

During the two days she had before leaving The Underground, all she occupied herself with was stealing a few fruits and bread from merchants, her shift at the pub, and preparing her stuff for travel. She pushed down all thoughts involving the man who had raised her better than her own father did.

At the back of her mind, she knew she was doing it out of spite.

She _ hated _ how Aether brushed her off when she tried to help him. The _ stupid fucking martyr _ did everything he can to make sure she saw the sun and she couldn’t even as much as buy him some time from his pursuers so that _maybe_they could’ve both made it out of there alive.

And what made it even worse was the fact that, that was what he _ wanted _ . He made sure Kiji didn’t risk her life to save him because he _ wanted _ her to leave the place he kept coming back to. Kiji knew his little orphanage stems from more than just his desire to help. She sensed it in the way his eyes would glaze over even _ just a little bit _ when he talked about something from his past.

_ The stupid fucking martyr _ did his best to make sure she wouldn’t be tied down to that place, just as he had been; did his best to make sure she didn’t see him _ that _ vulnerable long enough for her to decide to stay.

But Aether was an idiot, and he didn’t realize that he was too late, and that Kiji already had the noose around her neck the moment she stepped in that alleyway for the second time in her life, agreeing to be taken under his wing, and _ God fucking damn it, Aether, why couldn’t you just help yourself for once in your fucking life? _

So she thought to herself that if Aether wanted her _ gone _ that badly, she’d leave _ and never look back _ , and she did but _ look at her now _, dealing with her pain by denying its rightful place in a tear in her heart with a layer of resentment and regret that she knew did nothing to let Aether’s soul rest in peace.

And pain was something she had already dealt with once; something she already accepted at one point in her life. But _ that _ pain was different from _ this _ pain, and frankly, she never thought she’d still experience something—an entity so new and so incredibly _abhorrent_in her already goddamned life.

(And she _knew _that Aether wouldn’t be the last time she’ll experience loss. But knowing isn’t the same as accepting.)

Feeling a sudden but gentle jab against her side, Kiji realized that Jean had elbowed her. Looking up at the taller boy, she scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, still slightly disoriented from her thoughts.

“You have a habit of zoning out, don’t you?” Jean asked, mocking her words from the first night they shared a table at the mess hall.

Rolling her eyes, Kiji looked away, trying desperately to collect herself and focus on the activity ahead.

Jean, however, was unnerved by her lack of response. It was an abrupt shift to her smug and lighthearted mood from breakfast. Honestly, he expected something equally teasing to come from her mouth.

So out of impulse, he asked, “Oi, what’s wrong with you?”

Seemingly taking offence at his question, Kiji glared at Jean, asking a _ What? _ in return, voice low and somewhat detached.

“See, you don’t sound like yourself,” Jean scoffed, glaring back at the shorter girl.

Realizing that she _ indeed _ kind of snap over a generally harmless question, Kiji sighed, looking down as she apologized. “Sorry, just remembered something… unpleasant.”

Jean raised an eyebrow in question after that, expecting the girl to continue.

With a small laugh and a strong will to clear her head, Kiji teased instead, “I know you’re suddenly in love with me, Jean, but I’m not about to tell you my sob story already.”

Rolling his eyes at the hasty reappearance of her cheek, he pointed out, “Your mood swings are quite confusing, you know.”

“Sorry,” Kiji said, not at all looking apologetic with the easy smile on her face. “It’s part of my charm.”

“Listen up, ducklings!” The only woman from the three Scouts present suddenly bellowed not quite _ commanding _ but demanding attention nonetheless. “We’ll begin the second part of your aptitude test! This one involves strength and accuracy, two things you’ll need in slicing off titan nape!” She finished off with a wide (almost cryptic) grin, her glasses glinting under the glare of the sun.

The tall blond stepped up, continuing after the woman’s introduction. “Squad Leader Hange and I will guide you through this activity but we’re not gonna spoon-feed you everything,” he said as he gestured towards the woman. Pointing next to the direction of the shorter man, he added, “Captain Levi, on the other hand, will do his best to avoid showing _ the might _ of _the great Humanity’s Strongest_ on you poor recruits, so _ you _ do _ your _ best not to piss him off.”

Captain Levi’s face remained indifferent (much like the other times Kiji had seen him before), and his voice mirrored that when he spoke, “Try not to maim yourselves before graduating, you brats. We can’t have idiotic cripples defending humanity.”

The cadets were silent after that, not expecting the hostility of the short-statured man, not because they weren’t used to intimidation—no, Shadis already prepped them up for that on their first day. But it was because Captain Levi’s words didn’t feel as empty as Shadis’ screams. It was as if he _ really _ believed the cadets would injure themselves during this activity. (And he did.)

To their surprise, Hange cackled and clapped a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Ah, shorty, no need to scare the little ducklings off.”

Still with the same apathetic visage, the dark-haired man answered, “If mere words scare them, then maybe they should drag their shitty little asses back to where they came from.”

Growing rather bored (if not mildly irritated) at the Captain’s insults, Kiji sighed, just wanting to get this day over with.

_ So much for not lashing out on the poor recruits _. She rolled her eyes in her head.

“Well, if you’re done, Levi, Hange and I would like to start,” the taller man said, seeming to mirror Kiji’s unsaid thoughts.

_ I should really learn his name _.

As the training _ officially _ (finally!) began and the first row of cadets lined in a single file as instructed, Kiji forced her irritation and growing fatigue to the back of her mind. Despite the animosity of one particular Captain, she convinced herself that not the entire Survey Corps would be as unwelcoming as him. And seeing as there were still two other Scouts in their midst, she wanted to do great in this activity, both for her possible superiors and for herself. (But mainly for Aether but she didn’t want to think about him.)

In no time, it was her row’s turn to line up in front of the tables. After observing the cadets that preceded her, she was thankful that the two Scouts were patient enough with guiding those who were less efficient. Albeit giving only the basic tips and tricks, they let the cadets take their time before moving onto another.

She wasn’t a first-timer but that didn’t mean she didn’t discredit herself even if just slightly. Anyone could use a little reassurance every once in a while.

“Have you done this before?” Jean had asked suddenly. When Kiji looked up at the taller boy in front of her, she could see him bouncing on his feet ever so slightly.

Deciding that she didn’t want to answer truthfully (partly to avoid questions about her origins and partly because she _ liked _badgering the Kirschtein boy), Kiji teasingly said, “Maybe. Why, have you?”

“Of course not, why would I practice throwing knives in my childhood?” Jean asked, a little nervousness slipping in his voice. He didn’t turn to look at Kiji, though, so she guessed his worrying wasn’t something he wanted to show.

“I think it’s a cool sport to get into,” she answered, making sure her voice didn’t show any indications of noticing his anxiety. Still wanting to help ease Jean’s nerves, though, she continued talking, “But I think it’s fairly easy to hit at least one of those targets.”

Looking back slightly at Kiji’s statement, Jean furrowed his eyebrows and asked, “Huh?”

“I mean, it’s not particularly windy so wind resistance wouldn’t be that much of a problem.” She hoped her words were enough to lift some of his doubts. “And all that’s left is to estimate how much strength you’d use to throw the knife.”

Jean, furrowed his eyebrows in suspicion, turning to look back even more, “You sound like you know what you’re talking about. Are you sure you’ve never done this before.”

“I said _ maybe _ .” Kiji had a cheeky smile on her lips. _ At least he’s worrying about something else for the moment. _

“Yeah, and that _really_answers my question,” Jean deadpanned. Before he could say anything else, though, Kiji turned his head to the front.

“Look, Marco’s doing alright,” she said, still holding the boy’s face as she watched their other friend hit 4 of the 7 targets. Kiji though it was a good feat for beginners, even if none of the knives pierced the center.

_ Wait, if Marco’s already finishing his turn, that means… _

“That’s okay for now, we’ll move on to the next cadet,” the male Scout stated.

And that next cadet was Jean.

Noticing the uneasiness coming back to the boy, Kiji clapped each of her hands on Jean’s shoulder. “You got this. No wind resistance, just the weight of the knife and the distance of the target, then estimate the strength you’ll need.”

Not wasting a second more after her last syllable, she pushed Jean forward. She knew those were things the Scouts would tell him anyway, but she thought that it wouldn’t hurt to still help out. (She shot a wink at him when he turned to look back one last time.)

Noticing Marco approaching, she looked in his direction and he pat Kiji’s head before returning to the rows behind their line.

It turns out, Jean didn’t need to worry so much because he, too, hit 4 of the 7 targets.

As he and Kiji met when she walked forward and he walked to the rows at the back, he slightly bumped his shoulder to hers in thanks.

Wanting to see how _ the girl _ performed for this activity, Levi kept a loose eye on her. He watched the small smile on her lips from an exchange with one of her comrades fade as her face became stolid, the natural downturn of her eyes making her look almost bored.

But her salute was strong when she came face to face with Mike and Hange, contradicting her expression.

(And if he were just a tad bit closer, Levi would see that the glint in Kiji’s eyes were far from boredom.)

After listening intently to what the two had to say to her, she nodded before turning towards the table, her back facing Levi. But she didn’t need to show her face for him to notice that her demeanor changed from poised and straight-backed to easy and relaxed—almost as if she isn’t being watched nor graded for this task—as she examined one of the knives.

Taking one final deep breath, she squared her shoulders and assumed proper stance, weight focused on one leg behind her, angling her body like she _knew_what she was doing.

And she did. And everyone else might as well have known her upbringing because at that moment, she caved into muscle memory, cleanly and swiftly hitting the center of the targets left and right with not much effort, as if the motions came to her as naturally as breathing did.

And as soon as her 7th knife hit the farthest target, her eyes lit up, turning around to celebrate, when she realized she wasn’t in the alleyway, and Aether wasn’t watching from behind her.

With her chest beginning to tighten, thoughts adrift, and eyes perplexed, she turned to look at the two Scouts once more, not registering the shit-eating grin Hange had or the wide-eyed look the blond gave her, she saluted before turning to stand with the rest of her fellow cadets at the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for giving this a chance. leave your thoughts on the comments below!


	4. Slip Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was increasingly reminding him of someone—her hair, eyes; her veneer. There had to be something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year :DDD
> 
> this took so long to write sorry!! i binged watched bnha and lmao i'm irresponsible wbk
> 
> but seriously, and i hope you all had nice holidays (─‿‿─)♡

The mess hall was a cacophony of incoherent words and eating utensils clanging against each other; at least it was to her.

Once all of the cadets had taken their turn impaling the wooden targets, they were dismissed for the day. Silently and mechanically, as if she weren’t in control of her actions, she followed the footsteps of her comrades, walking without knowing where she was going.

Sensing Kiji’s disorientation from the way she carried herself, Jean had taken hold of her elbow, steering her towards the mess hall where they could replenish their energy and she could collect her consciousness from the rubble of various different thoughts it seemed to have lost itself in.

There, they sat in the middle of a multitude of tables with a few other comrades who didn’t seem to share Jean’s astonishment (if not a bit of worry) at Kiji’s change in attitude.

She ate with little vigor, eyes hazy and unfocused. Jean guessed that the others were seemingly unaware of her sudden detached behavior because her face didn’t show any kind of emotion save perhaps for the way her eyes mindlessly stared at whatever, looking but not quite seeing.

Indifference wasn’t an unlikely look on her; that was mostly what she wore on her face when she wasn’t joking around with the others. However, from the turmoil she seemed to have gone through before the second aptitude test, and from the way she flared up on him when he had asked what the matter with her was, Jean unconsciously kept a look out for Kiji, mostly due to curiosity at how she switched around moods so abruptly.

So when Kiji looked behind her when she successfully hit all 7 targets dead center and seemed disheartened by what she found (or what she _didn’t _find), Jean figured something was up. He saw it in the way her eyes widened in realization yet her shoulders slumped in dejection, not regaining spirit even when she saluted.

He wanted to ask her about it—ask her what it was that got her shaken up. But while he liked the prospect of forming a friendship with Kiji and enjoyed the playful banter that they seem to always have the few times they interacted, they were still mostly _ strangers__._ Casual acquaintances at most.

But Kiji knew of Jean’s piqued interest. She saw it in the way he kept glancing at her as he ate and his lack of teasing commentary to the conversation around the table. (Sasha was trying to bribe Connie into giving her half of his bread.)

And she hoped he wouldn’t ask about it; at least not yet when she still had trouble fully wrapping her own head around it.

Aether was _ gone _ and she was stupid to try to evade that fact just because she wanted things to go differently, preferably having the man he looked up to and grew to love in the short amount of time they shared together alive and well.

Idiot, her subconscious hissed at her. _ You know what Aether wanted and yet you torture yourself, trying to hate him and hold him back from his dying wish. Who knew he raised such an inconsiderate brat? _

“If you don’t start paying attention to your food, you won’t have any in, I don’t know, around three minutes?” Jean whispered in Kiji’s ear, pulling her away from her thoughts

When the boy’s words had finally sunk into her, she looked up. Not in the direction of Jean, no. She looked to where she knew Sasha was sitting diagonal from her and _ sure enough_, said girl had a hand slowly creeping towards Kiji’s tray, freezing her movement when she realized she got caught.

Sasha merely stared back though, wide eyes shining. And the longer they maintained eye contact, the harder it was for Kiji to contain her smile, mood significantly picking up at the girl’s quirks. Chuckling, she pushed her food towards the brunette and animatedly, Sasha’s already shining eyes burned brighter, mouth turning into an _ O _ before eventually breaking into a grin.

Watching the spectacle in front of him, Connie gasped, a look of horror painting his features.

“Kiji, that’s the worst decision you’d ever make in your life,” he said, covering his mouth in shock. “When you say yes to Sasha once, she’ll _ never _ stop asking! I gave her my bread earlier during breakfast and she asked again at lunch and now she wants my food _ again_!”

At that revelation, Jean and Marco started eating faster, afraid that the girl would ask for _ their _meals, too.

“Hey! Stop putting things in Kiji’s mind!” Sasha shot back as she munched on what’s left of Kiji’s bread, the soup already finished. “And I didn’t _ ask _for your food at breakfast!”

“Yeah, you just stared at it until I asked if you wanted it.” Connie rolled his eyes indignantly (although Kiji swore she could see his lips curling at the ends a little).

“Connie, it really just sounds like _ you _ brought the problem to yourself,” Kiji teased, receiving an insulted _what? _ from the short boy.

“That’s right, you said it yourself! _ You _ asked me! Not the other way around!” Sasha said before putting her hand in front of her mouth when she suddenly burped, smiling sheepishly and then muttering an _excuse me_.

“Well, what was I supposed to do, then?” Connie demanded.

“Maybe you should have pretended to give it to her before eating it,” Kiji suggested, an easy smile resting on her lips.

Taken aback, Sasha stared at Kiji in astonishment. “Kiji, that’s cruel,” she whispered, horrified at the shorter girl’s proposal. Kiji merely chuckled.

Finishing his cup of water, Jean piped up, “What do you expect from someone who’s so good at throwing knives?”

Kiji rolled her eyes, not at all looking forward to talking about the training activity.

Of course he had to mention it. It bothered him enough to not _ casually _ bring it up.

“Yeah, how did you manage to hit the bull’s eye on all seven targets?” Marco asked from his seat to Kiji’s left, face contorted in awe.

“Even Section Commander Mike was surprised!” Connie added.

“Section Commander? Mike?” Kiji asked, unfamiliar with half the words that fell from Connie’s mouth.

“Section Commander Mike! You know, the tall blonde man?”

“Ah, so _ that’s _ his name,” she wondered out loud, nodding her head in understanding.

“So?” Jean asked, unfazed by her inattentiveness. “How _ did _ you do it?”

Turning to look up at the tall boy beside her, she matched his expectant (and sort of accusatory) look with a challenging one, an eyebrow lifting. “Perhaps I’m just naturally talented.” She supplied with her typical mocking smile.

“I _ seriously _ doubt that,” Jean retaliated, his own eyes narrowing right back at Kiji.

Laughing at how worked up the boy was getting, she asked, “Really? Just _ how serious _ are we talking about here?”

“_What _do you get from being such a sarcastic piece of shit?” Jean asked exasperatedly, running a hand down his face.

Ignoring his comrade’s foul mouth with a small chuckle, Marco asked, “But seriously, Kiji, how’d you do it?”

“Yeah, it’s like you don’t have to think before throwing!” Sasha cued in.

Kiji thought of how she’d explain her knife throwing abilities to her comrades without giving away her upbringing nor sounding too fabricated and arise distrust among the four.

“Well, if you really want to know about it,” she started, voice turning serious but still holding a pleasant smile on her face. “I learned how to throw knives from my adopted father.”

She was satisfied with her response. It wasn’t necessarily a lie; Aether did adopt her before he passed.

A chorus of surprised noises erupted from the group, Connie earnestly asking _ You’re adopted? _ and Jean asking _ Why would your father know how to throw knives? _

Calmly, she answered, “Yeah, I’m adopted, and _ I don’t know, Jean_, my father never told me much about his past, just that he knew how and would agree to teach me if I wanted.” By the end of her explanation, her face broke into a distant smile (perhaps even a somber one if people looked hard enough) at the mention of her adopted father, thinking about him without resentment or regret for the first time since she allowed herself to wander that area of her mind.

Although part of it was fake—she knew for a fact that Aether had knowledge and experience in fighting because of his lifestyle, even if he didn’t tell her about his own upbringing in detail—it was still refreshing to recall the first few moments the two of them had.

Despite finding Kij’s brief explanation quite suspicious, he noticed her go into another one of her mood shifts from the smile on her face so Jean muttered, trying to lighten up the mood, “He sounds nice. I hope he isn’t a little shit like you, though.”

(He didn’t know he just made her want to break down in ugly tears.)

Scoffing, she replied with the smile in tact, “_Please_, he was just as much of an asshole as I am.”

_ Looking up, she did what she always does when she feels particularly suffocated: she pretends the ceiling in The Underground is a sea of dark, heavy clouds in the night sky, threatening to pour fat drops of rain on her head. _

_ The sea. She read about that once in a book she got from Bronn’s. She was so mesmerized by the thought of it—a gargantuan body of saltwater home to aquatic creatures that lived outside the walls (and most definitely outside _ her _ walls). _

_ In a way, comparing her version of a sky to a wet, starless night was on point. It always felt like there was a looming cloud over her, anyway. She wouldn’t be surprised if everyone else in that rotten subterranean city felt the same; even the vilest thugs and disgusting hormonal pigs she had the misfortune of encountering. _

_ “You know, as horrible as it sounds, thinking is a weird look for someone from this place,” Aether said from beside her, a few feet away, observing her face as she obviously pondered about something. “I feel like everyone’s just resigned to the idea that nothing’s worth mulling over anymore so they just… don’t.” _

_ Kiji gave him a flat look, not quite understanding where the man was going with his statement. _

_ With the girl’s raised eyebrow, Aether continued, “But you… You always seem to be thinking. It’s like your mind belongs somewhere else.” _

_ “You’re thinking right now, as well,” Kiji retorted. “What does that say about you?” _

_ “I _ do _ have citizenship on the surface,” Aether teased right back, smirking. “I belong up there too.” _

_ Rolling over his words in her mind, there was a moment of silence before she spoke again, looking back up at the ceiling, “Yet you keep coming back. Even after you’ve seen the stars, you always find your way back here.” _

_ “Well, aren’t you particularly dramatic tonight,” Aether tried to say mockingly but the huff he let out before speaking betrayed his front. She knew she hit somewhere close to home. _

_ “I must be reading too much of those petty stories I get from Bronn.” She chuckled, respecting the older man’s unspoken wish to _ not go there _ . Forbidden territory. Just as she refused to talk about the brothel, he withdrew bits and pieces of his past from her. _

_ “But I’m telling you, kid, the stars ain’t worth all that shit anyway,” Aether said, letting out a chuckle of his own. “The sun, too. You’ll find better things to look forward to up there.” _

She woke up with a start, gasping as she came to, but she remained lying on the thin mattress. It took her awhile to register where she was and that the bottom of Mikasa’s bunk above her was not the massive block of land that used to serve as her sky.

She didn’t know people could dream about memories—and so vividly and so accurately, too, that it felt like she was sucked back in time.

_ You’ll find better things to look forward to up there_.

She shrugged that statement off before. She thought Aether was just talking about something more tangible compared to the distant sun and stars for a mere human like her to cherish once she surfaces.

_ You’ll find better things to look forward to up there_.

It wasn’t like the only reason she left was to be able to see the celestial bodies. She prided herself in her resolution to help humanity in whatever way she can. _ That _ was one of the two main reasons for her leaving the place she was born and bred in. And she intended to pull through with her plans, especially after her promise to Aether when she told him what she wanted to do after reaching the surface.

_ You’ll find better things to look forward to up there_.

But after subconsciously remembering the memory in her slumber, she couldn’t help but wonder how subliminal the man’s words sounded. He knew Kiji’s desires extended beyond just seeing the sky—he wouldn’t think so shallowly of the girl. What he meant by those better things, though, was beyond her.

...Or maybe she was just overthinking it. Maybe Aether’s words didn’t have any deeper meaning behind them other than to tease her about her longing to witness the vast expanse of space that lay above her.

Figuring she wouldn’t be getting any sleep nor clarity by simply staring up at Mikasa’s bunk, she decided to go for a walk.

After shoving her feet inside her boots, she grabbed one of her jackets to wear atop her shirt to keep her warm. Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, she slipped out of the shared room and into the dim hallway, her only light source being the rays of the moonlight that filtered through the cabin’s windows.

Without encountering anything or anyone, she managed to reach the main entrance, making sure to shut the door as gently as possible behind her. Taking a deep breath, she made her way down the steps of the front porch.

But before she could even walk at least a foot forward, she heard footsteps and someone speaking, rendering her frozen until she recognized whom the voice belonged to.

“Where are we going again?”

Eren Yeager.

Sighing in relief that it wasn’t a superior, she continued on with the last step, the old wood unceremoniously creaking under her weight.

_ Typical_.

She heard the footsteps halt all at once, sensing the tenseness the unknown group was radiating. Smiling slightly to herself, she walked the short distance to where she heard the noise come from, the moonlight revealing her identity.

At the sight of a fellow cadet, Eren and the other three boys with him visibly loosened up.

After a beat, one of them spoke up.

“Ah, Kiji Lee,” Reiner Braun said, a smile growing on his face.

“Reiner,” she greeted. Looking to Bertholdt, she nodded in acknowledgement, the boy doing the same in response. “What are you doing out this late?” She asked, not directing the question to anyone in particular, as she met eyes with Eren and the short blond she recognized from the entrance ceremony.

“What are _ you _ doing out this late?” Reiner shot back with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

Shrugging, she replied nonchalantly, “Wanted to go on a walk.”

“You can come with us,” the short blond piped up suddenly. Realizing his unexpected forwardness, he became a flustered mess, cheeks reddening quickly as he stuttered out his words, “I-I mean o-only if you want to.”

_ Adorable_, she thought. _ He doesn’t have freckles but I wanna squeeze his cheeks, too_.

What she wasn’t aware of was that the blond knew who she was. He didn’t know her name before Reiner said it, though; he just knew her face, just like she did him. But he remembered her performance during the two aptitude tests; her capabilities made him curious, and a curious Armin sometimes acted without thinking. No matter how rare, he still had those moments. This was one of those moments.

Calmly, she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.” She smiled kindly, hoping the boy wouldn’t shy away too much.

Burning even more, he introduced himself timidly, “A-Armin. Armin Arlert.” His voice was only a little above a whisper.

“Kiji,” she said in response despite her name already leaving Reiner’s lips moments ago. Turning to the brunet beside Armin she continued, “And you must be—”

“Eren Yeager,” said boy cut her off, walking forward to offer his hand, wide green eyes glistening under the moon’s glare.

Accepting the boy’s outstretched hand, she smiled, nodding her head before saying, “Nice to meet you, Eren Yeager.”

_ His eyes are so bright, I feel like I could drown in them_, she thought absently, gazing at the mesmerizing orbs before her. A moment passed before she came back to her senses, immediately letting go of the boy’s hand.

Unknowing to the girl’s train of thought, the Yeager boy asked, “You’re not going to tell on us, are you?”

“If I did, they’d know I was out after curfew as well.” She shrugged, smiling softly.

“Then you can take up on Armin’s offer if you want,” Eren said, nodding in agreement.

“Are you sure?” She asked, looking around the rest of the group. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“I’d let you get all up in my business any time, Lee,” Reiner spoke up a few paces from behind, complacent smirk still intact.

Unaffected, she chuckled before warning with no actual meaning to her words, “Keep that up and I might just go back to bed.”

“Without me in it?” Reiner managed to cheekily ask before he groaned, elbowed by the giant beside him.

“Don’t mind him, Kiji,” Bertholdt said with a sigh. “He’s always been all bark, no bite anyway.”

Chuckling once more, she shrugged it off, opting to ask instead, “Where were you planning to go?”

“Reiner and Bertholdt were supposed to show us something,” Armin said, softly still but no longer stuttering.

“And you’re sure I can come?”

“I’d like it better if you did, sweetheart,” the buff blond spoke up again, earning another sigh from the other massive cadet beside him.

With that, the five of them began their trek in the forest lining the Training Corps base, Reiner and Bertholdt leading their little group.

“By the way,” Eren asked, cutting through the silence as they walked further into the night. “What made you guys decide to join the military?”

Kiji didn’t know if the question was directed to her as well. She figured the Yeager boy was asking in general but she didn’t say anything, waiting to see if someone would entertain the brunet’s query.

It was Bertholdt who spoke, walking up ahead of everyone, “The others are mostly here for show, to live up to society’s expectations. You’re seen as a coward if you choose production work when you turn twelve. Society pushed them into becoming cadets.”

She listened more intently, keeping quiet as she trailed after the group, a few steps behind Eren.

“That said, I’m no different than them,” Bertholdt continued, no one daring to interrupt. “I chose to be a soldier in the hopes of joining the Military Police so I could work in safety in the interior.” They went up a mild slope, the two tallest taking up the lead, seeming to know the path like the back of their hands. “If that doesn’t work out, I might give up entirely. I don’t have any will to call my own, you see.” Bertholdt concluded.

To Kiji’s surprise, Armin commented, “Cherishing your life is admirable too, you know.”

She sighed softly. She understood Bertholdt’s predicament. Sometimes, it really was easier to succumb into living a life with no meaningful resolve. As determined as she was, thoughts of relenting—of doing exactly what’s expected of her—plagued her mind occasionally. It wouldn’t be far-fetched if the rest of the youth felt like they weren’t responsible for their lives like she had felt down in The Underground.

The rest of her comrades may have been forced to become soldiers but being in the military was far from what she was told she’d achieve in her life.

And she had always been stubborn as shit. She might as well continue to be so until the moment she ends up in the belly of a titan.

Silence ensued after that once more until someone else spoke up.

“As for me,” Reiner said, voice low and serious. “I’m going to return to the hometown we lost. That’s all I care about now.” His voice got edgier the more he spoke, making Kiji wonder what the context behind his words and emotions were. “I’ll do it, no matter what.”

“What about you?” Bertholdt asked, looking behind him. For a moment, she thought he was talking to her, not seeing where his eyes were fixed on due to the poor lighting. Eventually, she realized the question was directed to the bright-eyed boy, his own inquiry being thrown right back at him. “Why do you want to be a soldier?”

It took Eren awhile to respond, evidently stiffening at the question. She thought perhaps the boy was recalling his encounter with the titans, much like his reaction the first time he was asked about the humanoid freaks the other night.

“I…” he started, voice shaky. With fear or anger, Kiji didn’t know. Perhaps a bit of both. The brunet continued, “I decided I have to kill them. I have to slaughter all the titans with my own two hands.”

Promise. That was what Eren’s words held. She didn’t know of the meaning behind the boy’s hatred towards the flesh-eating monstrosities but she admired his courage. If she was right—if he’d had to face the wrath of the titans firsthand and didn’t plan on cowering away in fear that he might be devoured next—then he’s definitely the type of soldier the military needs if it still wanted to uphold its mission of serving and protecting the people.

Unable to hide her respect, she reached forward, laying a firm hand on Eren’s shoulder, giving him a wide smile and a nod in silent encouragement. He did the same in return and although his smile was a lot less lively than hers, it made him look a lot younger than what the military needs him to be.

They both snapped their heads to Reiner when he asked, “So your encounter with the titans didn’t break your will?”

“That’s right,” the bright-eyed boy answered. “But now it’s a question of whether or not I’m actually cut out to be a soldier.”

“What are you talking about?” Kiji asked, speaking for the first time since she agreed to come with them. All four males turned to look at her, a curious look painting their features at her sudden question. She fixed her eyes on Eren, however, addressing him with seriousness, “We’re only one day into training and you’re already doubting yourself, Green Eyes?”

Eyebrows furrowing slightly at both the question and the nickname, Eren responded, “It’s not hard to lose confidence when I keep faceplanting hard on the ground every time I try balancing with the ODM.”

“Yeah, and that’s what training _ is _for, Green Eyes.” She chuckled nonchalantly. “Not all of us can be good at something on the first try.”

“Says you,” he sighed, voice dripping with irritation. “I saw you laugh during your turn with the equipment but you didn’t even wobble.”

Sensing that the boy’s hostility wasn’t _ because _ of her but rather being released _ on _ her, she nudged his shoulder with her own, voice calm and understanding when she spoke, “Hey. I know resentment is the easiest way out of frustration but it does more damage than it helps you out with what’s bothering you.” (_Wow, where’d you learn that from? _) Smiling cheekily in hopes that it would let him know she means well, she added, “Especially when you’re taking it out on someone who wants to help.”

“_You _ want to help?” Eren asked incredulously, turning back to look at the girl whose lips were still pulled up in a kind smile.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” She asked, confused at the boy’s wariness.

“Aren’t you friends with Jean?”

“Kirschtein?” She was even more confused at this point, eyebrows furrowing deeper. Were they friends? “I guess? Why?”

“Jean and Connie made fun of him when he asked them for help,” Armin answered with a slight wince, probably not trusting Eren to break the news to her nicely.

She sighed, not highly surprised that Jean would do something like that. “Well, Jean can be a piece of shit,” she said, slightly shaking her head. “And I can, too. But not this time. I want to help you wipe out those ugly humanoid fuckfaces.” She smiled determinedly at the boy once more.

Eren was dumbfounded both by her foul mouth and encouragement, and it showed in the way his eyes seemed to ignite brighter as he scrutinized Kiji, judging the extent of her words.

“What?” She asked when Eren just silently stared at her after a few more seconds.

“You’re planning to join the Survey Corps too, aren’t you?”

The group stopped walking once they reached a clearing that ends in a cliff. It overlooked a lake that mirrored the moonlight. The cold night breeze sent ripples across the body of water, making the reflection appear as though they were twinkling.

It was breathtaking.

Her reply to Eren’s question got swallowed back down as Kiji walked closer towards the edge, staring at the display before her. She didn’t know _ water _ could look this beautiful. She briefly wondered how much more amazing the sea would be if it turned out to be real.

Looking up, what little air she had left in her lungs was knocked off her frame. The clouds started to part, giving way to the plethora of stars she longed to see back then.

It was there, at that moment, did she truly feel small.

Gazing at the night sky she so desperately wanted to see up until a few days ago, she wondered about all the other marvels the world had in store for her. She knew for sure that there had to be more of this, far beyond the wall—there just _ had _ to be.

The world can’t be as small as it seemed to be all her life. And she knew that the only way to find out for sure was to move forth from then on.

(In the back of her head, she heard a soft, familiar voice. _ You’ll find better things to look forward to up there_.)

Morning came sooner than she had expected; the sun continuously rising from the east without her getting a drop of sleep since she woke up in the middle of the night.

Eren Yeager, it turned out, was a natural at the ODM gear—perhaps even better than anyone else in the 104th Cadets. He did, after all, manage to keep his balance despite a defective belt.

The look of pride on his face sparked the same feeling in her chest even if she didn’t actually _ help _ him at all despite voicing her intentions to do so.

(It’s the thought that counts, right?)

That day, their training focused on hand-to-hand combat, one on the defensive against an offensive adorned with a weapon. She briefly wondered what that particular skill had to do with slicing titan nape, but after seeing a certain mop of two-toned hair, she was reminded of the fact that some cadets in the Training Corps wished to stay in the comfort of the interior.

She ambled towards Jean, lightly punching his upper arm to get his attention.

“Want to be my partner?” She asked once the boy fully faced her, visage evidently lighter than when they had supper the night before.

“I’m already Marco’s sparring partner,” he replied. Raising an eyebrow, he continued, “Besides, I want to show how capable I am for the interior and I can’t do that if I fight against you.”

Narrowing her eyes, she retorted, “You acknowledge my ability to throw knives but you don’t think I can disarm someone wielding one?”

“Those are two different skills, idiot,” Jean bit back. “Being good at one doesn’t mean you’re good at the other. Now, stop pestering me, I’m trying to train.”

She did the opposite.

Trying to catch up with his long strides towards where Marco was, she spoke, “Why are you being so serious about this, anyway? The Scouts aren’t even here.”

The mentioned military branch was out on an expedition, leaving the cadets solely in the hands of the Training Corps officials. Unwittingly, _ all _ of them felt like they could breathe a little better knowing a particular short Captain was absent.

“And? They’re not the ones grading us,” the taller of the two replied.

“Of course they are!” She argued. “At the very least, they probably give insight about our training. They wouldn’t be sent to look after us for no reason.”

Jean snorted, craning his neck to look at the girl. “Or maybe they were sent here because they’re not doing anything rewarding in their branch.”

“Oh, and the imp— Military Police are so _ virtuous _ and _ diligent_, aren’t they?” Her words were heavy with sarcasm, rolling her eyes as she uttered them, but she scolded herself for almost letting slip a word that she was certain the Wall Rose boy wasn’t familiar with.

Narrowing his eyes at her tone, he held her stare as he said, “They serve the king.”

“They should be serving the people.”

By then, the two of them had stopped walking. They were still a few paces from Marco but they were close enough for him to hear the latter part of their conversation. (Or was it an argument?)

Jean tried his hardest to decipher just _ why _ anyone from Wall Sina would speak of the Military Police with as much mockery as she did. Frankly, almost everything about the girl was curious—from being adopted to her occasional vulgarity. He didn’t know nobles swore. Was Kiji even a noble? Can nobles be adopted? Her very existence was a concoction of mysteries all contained in her short frame.

Jean was both frustrated and intrigued.

It was clear that some kind of tension was rising between his comrades. Being the pure soul that he was, Marco crossed the small distance that still lay between him and the two, calling out a _ hey _ to get their attention.

Snapping her head towards the familiar voice, Kiji found Marco walking towards them, signature smile embellished on his lips yet his confusion showed through his slightly furrowed eyebrows.

“Hey, Freckles,” she greeted, smiling softly at the dotted boy.

“You guys alright?” Marco asked, unable to hide his concern. “You were bickering.”

Jean shrugged before saying, “Well, when are we not?” Fixing the short girl with an icy stare, he continued, “Kiji won’t stop running her smart mouth.”

“And that is exactly why I keep running it,” she bit back with a grin. Nodding her head slightly, she continued, “It’s _ very _smart.”

“It’s annoying, that’s what it is,” Jean scoffed. “Now leave Marco and I alone. Go look for your own sparring partner before Shadis calls you out.”

She sighed, lips turning to a small pout as she watched Jean drag Marco a few distances away by his shoulders before she could open her mouth to respond. Though, despite his situation, the freckled saint turned and gave Kiji an apologetic smile, holding one of his thumbs up in encouragement.

There was no way the wholesome gesture wasn’t putting a smile on her own face.

But what made her break into a chuckle was the glare Jean sent her way, not finding any real malice in her comrade’s antics.

If anything, Jean’s empty acts of meanness was unexpectedly refreshing. A few days ago, she would’ve been resisting the urge to punch someone unnecessarily hostile towards her. But now that she was in the Training Corps, when it comes to the two-toned boy from Wall Rose, she relished every opportunity in her reach to rile him up. A small part of her had to admit she liked the reactions she could get out of him. She never knew being deliberately annoying could be so amusing.

Coming back down to her current predicament, she shifted her thoughts to her lack of a sparring partner, scanning the space around her to look for one. Spotting a head of thick blonde hair, she noted that Armin was, in fact, standing alone.

Deciding she’d ask the boy to spar with her before Shadis noticed her idly standing around, she walked towards Armin, calling his name out once she got close enough.

The small blond whipped his face towards the sound of someone calling him, eyebrows rising a little when he found whom the voice belonged to. Kiji was approaching him, cautiously avoiding the cadets sparring on her path. She gave him an easy smile, one that he returned.

“Hello, Arlert,” she greeted when she reached him, nodding her head once. “I take it you don’t have anyone to spar with yet?”

“Yeah.” Armin nodded. “Eren’s with Reiner and I don’t know where Mikasa is.”

“Can I be your partner, then?” Kiji asked, soft smile playing on her lips.

The boy’s eyes widened slightly as he nervously stuttered out, “A-are you sure? I’m n-not really that good...”

She chuckled at Armin’s nerves, squaring her shoulders and cracking her neck.

“That’s what training _ is _ for, Coconut,” she said. Pointing towards Armin’s hand, she added, “You’re already holding a training knife, try to attack me.”

Armin hesitantly braced himself to come at Kiji, a silent agreement to the ravenette’s offer.

“That’s what you told Eren last night,” he said, picking up on her mimicking her words towards the Yeager boy. “Except you called him _ Green Eyes _ and me _ Coconut_.”

She nodded, laughing softly. “Yes, because he has green eyes and your hair’s shaped like a coconut.” When Armin’s eyes widened, she added quickly, “It’s cute, I wasn’t insulting you!”

Flustered, the blond wasn’t able to stop the color from rising to his cheeks nor think of something to say—opting instead to just attack Kiji right then and there. He barrelled towards her, knife tightly held in his right hand.

Almost immediately, Kiji’s adrenaline spiked up, her instincts pushing her to pivot on one foot, positioning herself on Armin’s right and dodging the knife in his hand. She swiftly grabbed his outstretched wrist and neck, using just enough strength to pull him by his arm. With her right leg, she tripped him and held him down by her left knee. She used her left hand to seize the knife he still held, successfully disarming the bewildered boy under her.

“W-what?” Armin whispered out, voice full of surprise. He had guessed Kiji would be able to win over him easily but he didn’t expect it to be right away. Whether he was just _ that _ weak or she was just _ that _strong, he wasn’t sure.

Letting go of her hold on the small blond, she offered a hand to him. When he grabbed it, she pulled him up and asked, “You alright?”

“Y-yeah,” he said, huffing. “Just caught off-guard. You’re faster than I expected.”

Chuckling once more, she gripped the wooden knife in her right hand properly, blade pointing to the right instead of at Armin, and assumed a fighting stance. 

She shook her head slightly, raising the knife up to chest level and grinned, “My turn.”

It was already past sunset when they came back to the base. The mess hall was filled with chattering cadets and Training Corps officials to the side, all preoccupied with eating their dinner to notice their return.

To say it was irritating was an understatement.

Though, while Levi would usually rush to get changed after an expedition, it seemed he needed a cup of tea to help calm down first, wanting to somehow clear his head before bath and bed. (Maybe this way, he’d be able to actually sleep.)

Unfortunately, it slipped his mind that they were stationed with the Training Corps, and _ of course _ the mess hall would be filled with a bunch of bumbling, boisterous brats.

Sighing, he decided to just go through with it. He was already there anyway.

He made quick work of preparing his tea and promptly headed for the table that his colleagues occupied.

“Move over, Shitty Glasses,” Levi said, nudging Hange closer to the wall so he could sit at the edge of the bench. The brunette wordlessly complied, dragging her tray of food along with her to the side.

It was always right after expeditions, when only the people closest to her were in the immediate vicinity, did Hange have nothing to say.

Had the circumstances been different, Levi would have appreciated the quiet. But taking into account the events that transpired earlier that day, the dismal atmosphere when they returned to Wall Rose, and the obliviousness of the noisy cadets around them, Hange Zoë’s silence was more disheartening than relieving—her vehemence considerably missed.

Sighing, Levi blew on his tea lightly before taking a sip, nudging the brunette’s knee with his own once; his classic way of silently comforting his brooding comrade.

It was small and kind of painful (Levi forgets how strong he is sometimes) but it was more than enough for Hange. Especially when it came from the tiny, temperamental Captain. (She knew that was the best she could get.)

“I’m surprised you’re here, Shorty,” she teased, trying to pick herself up from previous darkened spirit. “Couldn’t handle missing your afternoon tea, Gramps?”

Levi merely scoffed. Turning away from Hange, he chose to scan the area around him instead, occasionally taking sips from his cup.

“I thought we’ve already established not to disturb the elderly during their downtime, Hange,” Mike supplied, not looking up from his bowl of soup.

Continuing to ignore the people around his table, Levi’s gaze fell on a particular dark-haired cadet who was looking curiously at what he assumed to be a cup of tea in a freckled boy’s grasp from a table diagonal his own.

“What’s that?” He heard her ask, watching as her head cocked to one side, still peering at the carefully-clutched porcelain.

Kiji was at a loss, not recognizing the aroma coming from the contents of Marco’s cup. It smelled strongly of _ leaf_—not unlike the smell of dewy grass during her walk towards the mess hall in the early mornings, but mixed with something else.

Marco, who was blowing on his cup, looked at Kiji with furrowed eyebrows, her question coming off strangely to him.

“Tea?” He asked more than answered, not understanding the interest that lined Kiji’s question. He was fairly certain tea was a staple beverage for nobles.

_ Tea _ , she thought to herself. _ I’ve encountered that word before_.

She racked her brain for information about the peculiar drink, positive it wasn’t something she’s had to prepare in the pub. She stared blankly at the freckled boy beside her, trying to remember, until a turning of a page flashed in her eyes.

_ Tea _ . Rich people were supposed to drink tea. She read about it in one of the novels she got from Bronn. And she’s supposed to be a rich person—a fucking noble from Wall Sina. Fucking _ tea_.

She let out a huff, trying to think of a save for that slip up.

“I know. I meant what type.”

There _ are _types of tea, right?

Right. She saw it in the way the confusion cleared up from Marco’s eyes, raising his cup to take a sip of his _ tea _, before answering, “Green tea with honey.”

She made a sound of (what she hoped was) recognition, playing it off as if she knew just _ what the fuck _ Marco was talking about with a small smile and a nod, turning her gaze back down to her tray.

Levi could only sip his own cup of tea in return, knowing fully well that the ravenette, in fact, did not know just what the fuck _ green tea with honey _ was.

It could be nothing. Perhaps there actually were people in the world who didn’t know of the beverage.

But that was a big _ perhaps_. There had to be something about the cadet’s obliviousness. And something can never be nothing.

Not to mention the familiarity constantly knocking at the back of his mind. She was increasingly reminding him of someone—her hair, eyes; her veneer. There had to be _ something_.

He downed the last of his tea, mind fuller than when he took his first sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw someone point out that eren and shouto had similar voices and. i don't hear it???? help??????


End file.
